Tag Archives: foster parent

The Joys and Miracles in the Journey of Fostering and Adoption

Are you a foster parent?
Or maybe you have adopted?
We were foster parents and we have adopted.
Most of the time it’s very rewarding.
Just like having biologicals sometimes teens are challenging.
But yesterday the Ancestry DNA came back for our youngest four teens.
Two sets of twins, same biological mother.
And the joy was unbelievable.
Not only did we find that their paternal roots were exactly as I thought, but they found a new sister.
That led to a very long night of getting to know another wonderful mom who adopted their sister.
The face-time is set and the reunion with three adoptive families is set.
This is the joy beyond what you already have been given.
The extended family that has been found once again by the grace of God.
If you think you would like to foster a child or adopt, there are so many children waiting for their forever homes.
So many lost children in a world that has been unkind to them.
I love to encourage and help those families called to this amazing mission of fostering and adoption.  If you would like to know more please go here.
If you have adopted and would like to chat go here.
I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 
They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 
I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

The parenting and the struggle when nature shows up stronger than nurture!

I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 

They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 

I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

 

Do you struggle with the behavior of an adopted or foster child?

I have struggled many times with different foster and adopted children.

It isn’t easy.

Often you find yourself feeling like you have let yourself down as well as your child.

You can also experience a wide range of emotions.

Anger and self-doubt are just a couple.

Fear can be another one if you are dealing with serious issues.

As well,  anxiety can wreak havoc on the best of parents.

But, even though my journey through fostering and adoption has been rocky at the time, I have never regretted it.

I am now in the teen years with six of my children.

The eldest set of twins, now 22, are still at home as well.

Each of them has had their moments when they needed a lot of attention and therapy.

Having eight, with three sets of twins has had its challenges.

I have sat on the floor and cried.

I have wondered what was the best solution.

I have had difficulties in school, with IEP’s and non-understanding children.

I have had Children’s services called when a difficult child was trying to run away.

There’s not much I have seen or experienced.

I would not have handled this well if not for my faith and the lessons well learned in becoming a triple certified life coach.

You see, Life Coaching taught me mindfulness.

Learning to control how I thought about a lot of these behaviors etc.

I learned how to see the other side of the picture, and observe the behavior, instead of acting unwisely sometimes.

I can help you with your struggle.

You can feel a lot better about parenting difficult behaviors.

I can show you how because I’ve done it!

If you would like to talk to me click here.

Talk soon!!  Don’t stay in the struggle, there is help!

“It’s better to help a child than fix an adult”  Dave Thomas

 


How do you really get the desires of your heart?

 

 

Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child abandoned, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and another child  being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

If you would like a complimentary coaching session about this contact me here.

 


Autism.

 

Autism.

Sucks.

But does it?

I have two autistic children in my life.

One of my “New Thompsons'” and a grandchild.

My adopted child is now 19 plus and still struggles.

My grand child is just beginning, but has so many similarities.

Do you realize there is no educational system past elementary to address this issue in school, at least in Georgia?

Autism_does_not_go_away!  Just because we reached middle school!

Do you know the public school system does not address dyslexia as well?

Well I guess you don’t read for the rest of your life.

I have five dyslexic children.  My grand baby I suspect has this as well.

I was lucky enough to find an amazing Private Christian School that addressed dyslexia.

That was after I paid $1600 a month for my autistic dyslexic child to learn how to read.  The public system did not want, or even recognize, the issues my child had.

Shocking reality.  She passed kindergarten in public school, but she could not tell an “A” from a “B” nor a “7 ” from a “9”.  Ridiculous.

Was she smart?  Intelligent?  Oh My!!!

We call her the BPS, not the GPS because she could tell us directions to anywhere she had been once.  Genius.  She will never get lost directionally.

I think this is  ignorance about these issues as is our ignorance about the children who come into care every day.

There is much media about all sorts of stuff, but not about the children who need our help, our support and homes in some cases.

So, my grand baby will have a fierce advocate in his Grammy.  I will not ever let this go.

When will we stand for what is right?

I will.  Will you join me?

 

 

 

 

 

What do YOU want to know about Fostering, or Adoption?

Somehow, over the last day or so, I was reminded of what I needed as a new, or even seasoned, foster parent.

I guess it was the training at my church.

Brought back so many memories but so many questions as well.

I knew nothing back then.

I just had a big desire in my heart to help a child in need.

My desire overcame my fear.

I’m sure you relate.

It’s pretty scary to take that first step.

But, when that desire to be a foster, or a foster to adopt parent is in your heart, your desire dial is about a ten.

Being truthful, my fear was so nearly greater than my desire to help a child.

I deliberated, or contemplated adopting, never fostering, for some six or seven years.

Fear dial vs desire dial.

Ok dial?

Like fear 1-10.  Desire 1-10.

Your desire will  overcome your fear if you let it.

So many let fear rule.

I nearly did.  In fact right up to the day I fostered my first two kids, I let fear rule.

Why did I change my mind?

Well, it came down to what was in my heart..

I wanted to help “lost” children.

Those nobody even knew about, let alone cared about.

I thought I was in this for the ethnic kids who had trouble being placed or adopted.

God changed my mind.

It’s not about ethnicity, it’s about the child, or in my case children.

I was so caught up in no-one wanted the ethnic kids, I could have missed the children God ordained for me.

Funny thing?  I have kids of all ethenticities.

I just didn’t focus on that.

I focused on the need.

I ended up with three sets of twins.

Well, that was a need not able to be fulfilled by many.

If you continue to have fear over so many issues regarding fostering, or foster to adopt, your fear dial  is overwhelming your desire dial.

Your fear is dialing on a scale of 1-10 more than your desire is dialing on a scale of 1-10.

Where do you want to be?

Fear comes from the unknown.

I can help you with that.

Do you need to talk to someone who has been here done that?

Well, I can help you with that,

Go here, if you would like to talk.

Catch you next time!

 

 

A Walk Down Memory Lane

This past week-end we had a Foster Parent training at our church.

As I was setting up snacks etc, those first words that were part of my training were hanging in the air again.

Each time I came back into the room to check all was well, there would be more familiar words that I recalled, word for word.

Fostering is not easy.

It can be complicated.

You have to have patience, along with love and kindness.

Tolerance doesn’t hurt either.

After twenty years you would think that the original training I had was nearly forgotten.

But, when I thought about it, it was remembered because every aspect of it was needed.

Every training I went to over the years was beneficial and informative.

Every foster parent had a question, a situation, a need that was put out on the table and given attention.

We hear a lot of “bad” reports on fostering, but, there are so many good reports that get lost.

Sometimes the question of whether to be a foster parent and what that looks like, simmers in our thoughts for a long time before we take any action at all.

I always thought we made a quick decision, when in fact, the thought of adoption, or fostering to adopt, was in my thoughts for about seven years before, it seemed like, suddenly, overnight, we were doing our foster parent training.

Is that you?

Do you think about being a foster parent?

Is something holding you back?

Go here and I would love to help you through your thoughts.

If you would like to read my new book before it is released go here.

It is titled “Ten Slices of Swiss Cheese or Ten Tools For Foster Adoptive Parents.”

Remember, “It is always better to build a child, than fix an adult,” Dave Thomas.

The Endless Seizure Disorder

I reposted about Epileptic seizures, cause now I have four kids, four different seizure disorders.  WOW!

We have Multi Focal, the most scary, Generalized, Tonic and Absence seizures.

And yet?  Life goes on.

Life is not filled with doubt, worry, or anxiety about someone having a seizure, as I know some other parents, and, epileptics are.

Epilepsy does not rule our household in any way, shape or form.

I could say that Autism tries to rule, but we believe we are the parents, even though sometimes, I want to go sit and cry in a corner.

When I became a foster parent, I did not want to foster anyone with anything like this, but, just as your own biological kids, sometimes they come with hidden stuff that shows up later.

Epilepsy showed up with my first biological when she was about twelve or thirteen hitting puberty.  Looking back it may have been what they now call “The Alice In Wonderland Syndrome.”

Alice in Wonderland syndrome is a disorienting neuropsychological condition that affects perception. People experience size distortion such as micropsia, macropsia, pelopsia, or teleopsia. Size distortion may occur of other sensory modalities.”

That is the technical description but what my eldest daughter experienced, was distortion in my size and closeness to her, along with how loud I was speaking.  She would go from thinking I was a giant to a dwarf in these episodes, and always thought I was yelling, when, as frightened as I was, that certainly was not the case.  She seemed to outgrow it, but at forty-four says when she is tired sometimes she has a mild version of this.  Now SHE WAS SCARY!

So, after having my younger sets of twins (related by birth mom) for seventeen and fifteen years, the diagnosis of each twin helped diagnose the others.

The grand mals’ were not as we are led to believe.  Each child has different Grand Mal seizures.

The last diagnosis of absence seizures was only found because of my then sixteen year old having an “out of the blue” seizure described in my former post.

I researched, well googled, cause google knows everything, about having seizures while sleeping.   Suddenly my child who could not stop bedwetting became obvious, which led to me demanding an EEG which proved he was having absence seizures.

All this to say, you are never alone and there is always help.

I am always here to talk, help in anyway.

Your child may not have epilepsy, but, dang I can tell you that is the least of what I have overcome with fostering and adopting children.

More of that to come.

Do you have something that you are seeing or “feeling in your gut” about your foster child?

Go here.

If you would like to read my first book about how we became foster/adoptive parents go here

 

 

Parenting vs Cyberspace

 

 

 

 

This week we have been on Fall break.

Four kids home from school, one at college, two working, one sleeping.

Eight at home is hard.

Two is easy,  four a bit harder.

Anything over that?

You need your radar to be very accurate.

We live in a culture that would like to think we don’t have responsibility for kids after they turn eighteen.

That is exactly how it is in the foster system.

That is how we are programmed in this country.

Why?

Because all kids go to college at eighteen don’t they?

I hate to disillusion  you but that is just not quite correct.

Not only in the foster child system, but in many families.

What happens to the learning disabled child who doesn’t get through the education requirements?

What happens to the kid with a mental disease that has trouble coping in those teenage years?

What happens to just a normal kid who doesn’t make the grade?

I have seen cyber space interfere with my kids in this generation.

Social media reigns.

Celebrity reality shows are influential and quite frankly not reality.

Snap Chat and Instagram need your parental watch at all time.

FaceBook?  Wow!  Dang!  Watch who is asking to friend your sweet teenager, girl or boy.

Get a grip.  Know their passwords.  Insist on their phones being checked randomly if they have them. Um…… yes I succumbed to the phone pressure, but am happy now to take that phone, tablet, whatever and hide it.

We hear all of this on the news programs and think it will not be my child.  Wrong!

How do I know?

It happened to my child.  My sweet slightly disabled child who thought all of these “friend requests” were innocent and pure.

Not.

I am lucky because I am vigilant.  More than my kids want me to be.  But guess what?

Suck it up kids!  I’m the parent here no matter what age you are living in my house.

If you live in my house, you live by my rules.

Trust me, it works.

This is an age of entitlement and our kids are being taught this through social media, and social contacts at school.

Disney isn’t Disney anymore.  At least not on Television.

Watch what your children watch.  Listen to what your children listen to.

You decide.  You are the parent after all.

If you struggle with this and would like to talk about it go here.  My gift to you.

I am not only a foster parent to about fifty children, I have adopted eight.  I also am actively involved with a foster parent agency in my church.

What do you struggle with?  Want to talk?  Just click here.

Keep parenting, keep fostering, keep adopting.

 

The Struggle Is Real!

When you are a Foster Parent the struggle is REAL!

There are days when you feel immensely alone.

When you think you should give up.

When you think nothing is working with this particular child.

The thoughts of failure and wondering where to turn next, are real.

I remember when my first foster children came.  Twin boys, for the weekend.

They had clothes on that were too small, and held on tightly to their bottles, which looked grimy.

The stared almost vacantly at me as I pasted a smile on my face through the tears I was trying to hide.

They screamed every time I put them in a car seat, every time I put them in a bath, every time I went to change their diaper.

It was exhausting, and frustrating for all of us.

But even though it was hard work, those boys turned twenty-two last week.  Handsome young men.  It sure was a long week-end.

As a foster parent, or a foster to adopt parent, there will be struggles, but there will also be immense rewards.

I had a conversation with a client the other day, a foster parent, who was really doubting herself, but she had no need to do so.

Did she have a difficult child!  Yes, the struggle here was real!

Was she doing all the right things even though the child was protesting?

Absolutely!  She needed to be re-assured.  She needed to hear affirmation that “going with her gut” and being consistent in her parenting, really was working.

There are so many stories that are heartbreaking, yet end up be a joyful testimony to yet another young life turned around.

When children remain in the foster care system for years, or get bounced around from home to home, the statistics of failure for these children is very high.

Dave Thomas said, “it is better to build a child, than fix an adult.”

He was right.

Cycles of abuse and neglect can be broken.

Love can be restored, and build a child up instead of tearing that same child down.

Are you a foster parent?

Or are you thinking you might like to know more about foster parenting or foster to adopt a child?

I would love to give you a complimentary coaching session and answer some of your questions.  Go here!

Let’s continue to seek out and find the “lost children” in our world.

See you next blog!

When Fear Overcomes Your Desire To Foster/Adopt

This photo is of me on my front porch.

I’ve been on that front porch with more than one therapist.

Someone who is helping me and my child.

You see, there is help.  Help in all situations when you foster/adopt.

But there is also fear.

Fear that there will be no help, nobody to support you.

Fear that overcomes you to the point that the desire you have to foster/adopt is overcome by it.

I have heard so many stories where foster parents give up.

Why?  Their heart is broken or their expectation is not met.

Yet, there are still children out there needing foster parents.

Their hearts are already broken, sometimes even shattered.

Our hearts mend.  We are adults.  We can overcome.

But, can they?  Overcome?  Live without a parent?

There are 700,000 children that pass through the foster system in this country every year.

400,000 end up in a foster situation where there are not enough homes, or families to step up.

In any county on any day, at least in Georgia, there are 500 kids in foster care with only 100 foster families.

What happens to the others?

Go back in time, to when you were a kid.  What if you were put in foster care?

What would that have felt like?

Who would you have wanted to be there for you?

You see, I had four biological kids, all who had some sort of issue.

So, what if amazing hubby and I had died in an accident, who would have taken them?

That’s the thought that led me to be a foster/adoptive parent.

Do you have fears around the desire to be a foster/adoptive parent?

Do you want to overcome that and maybe have the most rewarding experience in your life?

Then go here.  I would love to talk to YOU!

My Amazing Family through birth, adoption, rescue, and foster.