Tag Archives: foster parent

When The Honeymoon is over……what next?

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This morning I needed a plumber.

This morning my plumber needed me.

Why?

My plumber had been together with his partner for nineteen years with no children.

Three months ago, he took home his niece and nephew with guardianship, because their drug addicted mother could no longer care for them.

One month ago, being compassionate, caring and trying to do the right thing, he tried to  “help” their mother.

All chaos broke out.

He does not understand why his efforts to be kind and caring are backfiring.

A few questions and he answered all his own questions.

You see, you cannot change anyone, including a 32 year old addict.

All of your best efforts to do so will fall on deaf ears.

Change can only come from within.

But, children, can be changed and guided by love, understanding, and building trust with them.

The change still comes from within them, but is guided by parents, guardians, foster parents, those that are sent to guide them, lead them, and love them.

Children are still forming their minds and patterns even in the midst of chaos.

They are looking for a hero, someone who will love them regardless.

They will push every boundary, and test you to the limit.

They may have seen too much, but, given the right guidance, counsel, and wise counsel, they will survive and overcome.

In my personal experience, I cannot change the addict, they can only change themselves, with professional help.

Again, in my personal experience, I can help the child to embrace a different life by providing the right counsel, opportunities, understanding and love.  Tough love at times, but love.

Love alone does not work.  Prayer, followed by hard work and dedication do have an effect.

Just as in marriages, honeymoons end, and, real life begins.  When the honeymoon ends, that’s when we see the real picture, and know just where to go, what to adjust, and if we do have the stamina and tolerance to ride this relationship to it’s fruition.

I could have left my marriage many times when things did not go my way.  I could have walked from relationships with my children when times got tough, and I could have walked from my relationship with my elderly mother when times got to be outrageous.

But, a relationship, has two sides.  Yours and theirs.  I choose to sculpt my side of any relationship in the form I want and need it to be.  It rubs off if it is done with the right attitude and the right heart.

So, in the case of my plumber, he wants to talk with me a whole lot more because his mind gained a new clarity after our “conversation” or impromptu coaching session.  He went from being the victim, to understanding the real victim, the child.

He went from feeling hurt, to understanding the hurt from the child.  He left not feeling hurt from words said from a thirteen year old child, but empowered knowing he can stand on the other side and help the child without getting his feelings hurt.

I leave you with this.  No child needs to be left behind if our thoughts are captured, looked at really hard, and understand that we will survive, but if we take offense from a child who has been abused and neglected, we are not helping anyone, including ourselves.
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Somedays It Sucks!

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In everyone’s world some days just suck.  As a parent of both biological and adopted children all of them have issues on one day or another, but it sucks when more than one of them decide today is the day to just let it all out.

Now we adopted because we had four kids between us that had things like, ADHD, OCD, Epilepsy, Asthma, and mild dyslexia.  Mild stuff compared to some of the kids who came along via the foster system and even the babies we adopted who have grown up now.

I remember such a day when we had taken in a three year old, who turned out to be so damaged by his biological family, he had to go to special care.  He could not exist safely in a normal family.  Those days made me feel inadequate to say the least, and I often wondered, why, how, this could happen to a child so young.  I learned a lot along the way.  One thing being, children, all of them, need homes with loving parents and need to be nurtured and understood even if they have what I call “The Alphabet Disorder”.  A lot of capital letters associated with stuff that messes with their brains.

Now as a parent with four married with children, and eight others, including twenty-one year old twins and another six teenagers (including two other sets of twins), I understand that a parent, even one who is a Life Coach and can put up the best of arguments, can have a day that truly SUCKS!

Teenagers are a different breed!  I only had two at a time the first round, but this time it has been six at a time (and really twenty-one year old twin boys?  Doh, they are still teenagers.)  Then throw in some Bi-Polar disorder, all eight ADHD, or ADD, some OCD, a spatter of high functioning Autism, a dash of learning disorders, some physical issues like Cerebral Palsy and speech apraxia, and it really is a recipe for the occasionally day, where sometimes you’re the bug, and other times you are the windshield wiper.

Recently there have been more than the occasional day where I definitely felt like a bug on the windshield of my car.  Autism coupled with Bi-Polar was a pretty powerful windshield wiper that tried to wipe me off, like in one of those car washes where the big brushes come down to get you.  But, in all of my difficulty in staying calm, understanding talking to a disorder is just that, and will not be a rational conversation.  We, child and parent have survived.  Not through anything but hard parenting, being consistent, sobbing my heart out when nobody could hear, and coaching myself crazy.

I cannot say I was successful in every episode, but overall?  Without the training as a Life Coach, and coaching from my colleagues, I would not have made it out the other side.

I do not regret one child that came through our home, or one adoption, all were meant to be.  All have been shaped, and have shaped me.  Nothing has gone wrong at all, in fact a lot has gone right.  Some of the best years of my life, some twenty of them, have been given to children who I did not birth, but were birthed in my heart.  Some did not stay, some moved on, some have re-connected, and some I call my child.  The titles do not matter, it is what is in your heart.  I am lucky and blessed to have older kids who felt the same and have joined our journey through this horrible system that children have to endure because their parents make bad choices.

I don’t know who is reading this, but if you are a foster parent, or a parent who has adopted and has a child or children born of your heart not your womb, and you are going through stuff, contact me.

I understand, I have been there fostering, I am there as an adoptive parent, I get it.  I get there is a fight sometimes between nature and nurture.  I believe nurture and God wins.

I would love to give you a free coaching session and help you on your journey or your decision making process in this journey.  Just sign up on my email list (on the right)  and I will contact you.  You can leave a message, but unfortunately, there is so much spam these days I might miss you and mistake you for being just that.

So, if you are being more of the bug and not the windscreen wipers, and there are too many days that are sucking, you know who to contact.

Go here to get your free mini-session!

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Help! Turn Up The Volume!

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I was out on my usual hike with amazing hubby this morning.

I could hear a voice calling out in the distance.

It seemed to be calling for help, but I wasn’t quite sure.

We stopped for a minute and listened carefully.

Yup, sounded something like “help!”

Some hikers passed us at that point, and I turned and asked them, “Can you year that?  Does it sound like someone calling for help?”

They looked at us and replied, “Yes, it sounds like that.”

Then they turned back to their conversation and walked on!

We were shocked to say the least, at how casual someone could ignore what really sounded like a cry for help.

Well, our hike took a slightly different turn and we followed the voice until we came upon a gentleman, who was not needing help, but trying to find his dog!  His dog’s name sure sounded like “help.”

We took a different path back, still wondering why no-one else on the trail went to find out if he needed assistance.  It stuck with me.

Different thoughts rolled around in my mind, and came back to the realization that most people just don’t like to get involved.  In fact, they prefer to pretend they didn’t see, or hear that someone might need help.

My thoughts immediately took me back to all of the “lost” children out there.  Some in group homes, some in orphanages, some around the corner, and some across the world.  All with a very small voice that is trying to be heard.  “I want a family;  I want a mom and dad.”

The statistics are shocking.  There are so many children, our next and future generations that do not have any home, let alone a stable, loving family.

So, maybe it’s time to shake it up.  Grow awareness.  If you relate, know about this issue and are involved, I would love to hear your thoughts.

So I don’t only think, but I know I need to “Turn Up The Volume!”  

Be heard!

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Miracles Do HAPPEN!!!!!

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I believe in miracles go here and  listen to this amazing song about ordinary miracles.

In my family ordinary, everyday miracles happen, because I believe.

I don’t even think about it, I just believe.

I could not have done that some seventeen years ago, but my life changed.

I had, HAD to, believe in ordinary, everyday miracles.  For my kids.

I am in Nashville right now.  I have a child, that is legally mine, who is a walking miracle.

I read up on google, who is your friend, today about his diagnosis.

He should not be alive, let alone, be walking or talking or being anything other than maybe in a vegetative state, or a slow, long, painful recovery of a very severely traumatized brain.

What I read.  An aneurism, a blood clot, a stroke, a trauma to his grey/white matter in his brain.  Top that off with a spleen trauma, deep lacerations to his left face, ear, hand, arm, and five different fractures to his back.

This is a walking miracle.  Four weeks later, he is talking, standing, walking, still a little scrambled in his memories vs his aspirations, but heck, even the hospital staff and doctors don’t get this.  He is God’s Miracle.

This child, or young man really, I just think of him as a child, came to me seven years ago because of another miracle in his life.

You see, he was adopted, but the adoption went sour, and south, in a very bad way.  The end result was he was the kid who escaped the authorities in both countries, Liberia and USA, and ended up in the interior of Rivercess.  He was westernized.  He couldn’t catch fish with his bare hands, or climb a coconut tree.  He suffered beyond what a child should.  He thought he deserved this.

I didn’t.  My amazing hubby didn’t either.  And we found him and brought him back. An amazing miracle.  How do you find a kid in the jungle in less than a day?  God.    This is the young man who has yet again suffered physically, and mentally.

When I heard the news, I never doubted he would be healed, fully, back to total mental and physical health.  I am watching that happen.

He will survive.  He will be full restored cognitively and physically.  He will have all of his memories, and full capacity of his abilities.

You see, our God reigns.  Supremely, undoubtedly, truthfully, justly, righteously, kindly, and knows everything.  Yup, everything.  He guides us, forgives us, loves us, and heals.  Mind, body, soul and spirit.  He is our creator of everything including life and death.  He decides, we don’t.  We only think we do.

Challenges are God breathed.  They are there for us to meet, rise up and move forward.a must place to visit while you're on-2
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When You Never Give Up

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I never give up.

When I know deep inside that I am supposed to do something, I do it.

My child Friday is like that.

He has a long story that no child should have to ever endure.

But he did, and he never gave up.  Neither did I.

Short synopsis.  He was adopted from a Liberian orphanage at around eight years of age.

He was sent back by his adoptive parents to Liberia five years later.

Illegal by anyone’s standards.

Lots of red tape, custody papers, a flight to get him and he came back.  Became a part of our family.  He is third from the left, in the front row, in the photo above.

Tough few years getting him educated, helping him through his fear, anger, resentment, abandonment issues, rejection and trying to teach him to love.

Still fighting the rules and the systems, he did get graduated and got his drivers license.  He was free!

He has “lived” his life over the last couple of years experiencing failure, tough times, hard decisions and finding his place.

He has kept in touch, especially in the moments where, he was living in his car in California and needing to get home, when he just needed to know I was there, the occasional comment on social media, but I knew where he was, and most importantly, he knew where I was.

Then shocking news.  He was in a serious car accident, barely hanging on to life for several days.  A “miracle” he was alive.  I had to choke back tears when I saw him.  On a breathing machine, his left ear swollen from being stitched back to his head, the intubation, the distortion from swelling, the tubes everywhere including the top of his head to relieve the fluid.

But, he is a fighter, and he has a purpose in this world.  I knew from the moment I heard that I would start fighting in the spiritual world for his total recovery.

I experienced his fight in the spiritual, and I knew he would not give up.  I had a peace, a peace that passes all understanding that he would be not just ok, but totally himself.

Brain trauma is a scary thing, he has a road ahead, but not one he will not conquer.

He is one state away from me, so I drive every week to see him.  Tomorrow I drive and I get to see him awake, just three weeks after this terrible accident.

If you would like to know his story you can buy my book, “Finding Friday”  here.

You can find his song, “Run To”  on my cd “Broken Hearts And Broken Wings” here.  These are songs related to fostering and adoption.

Sign up for my emails and you can follow his amazing progress!

And, p.s.  Please like my FB page “Finding Friday” here and “The Adoption Thing” FB page here.

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Is Your Desire Enough?

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Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child Isaiah, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and more than that right now with Isaiah being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

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When The Impossible Becomes Easy

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I really wish I had a rainbow in that picture above.

But a church and a steeple will do for now.

I’m gonna dive in deep early.  We all have a spirit, soul, mind and flesh.

Our flesh is weak.  Gives in to our desires, unless we are in mindfulness.

What is that?

Being present in your mind at all times.  Understanding weakness.

Our minds are weak, as well as our flesh.

Our soul, and our spirit are strong.  Connected.

Especially in trauma, or desperation.

I have two things going on right now with my children.

My adopted, and my long term foster/ rescued child.

My child from Africa in a coma?  Such a miracle.  Visited.

He knew me.  I stopped myself from crying.  Why?

He needed me to be strong.  I was.  But I will cry after writing this.

He grabbed my hand, he tried to speak to me, he will be healed.

NO DOUBTS!  More on that as we progress.

My “New” Thompsons’ as we call them, a search and find mission.

Epilepsy.  Crap, I was not aware there were so many types and manifestations of this disease.  I know the stuff in the daytime.

Freaking scary!  Dang!  I remember being afraid of asthma.

This has nothing on that.  But, dealt the hand, you learn to deal.

So I have two that do this during the day.  Nothing usual in their seizures, both children, different, and needing a constant watch to know if that “tick, blink, head throw,” was actually a grand mal seizure.  In fact, one just rolls her eyes back, and sinks to the floor seemingly unconscious.  SCARY!!!  Missed many of the tick, blink, head throws as being “ticks.”  So hard to know, even for a really expert pediatrician.

But now I have sleeping seizures.  Jesus take the wheel on this.  I know for sure in one, but on reading up on this suspect two.  That makes four out of four in two sets of twins from same biological Mom.

So, what do I feel about this?  What are my thoughts about this?  We already know the situation, epileptic seizures, but then how do I act on this information?  That’s pretty clear on all of those.  Dang, you get real.  You understand that your child,  is in a situation that needs medical, neurological help and you make the appointment.  I have.  Not putting my head in the sand here.  I am the General, you know, the one that makes the decisions, and takes the action.

So what is the outcome of these seizures that are sort of silent, in their sleep, like how do I know this is happening????

I will accept all advice, but, for me first is an old fashioned baby monitor.  Totally thank one  of my older kids friends, (another un- officially adopted Thompson.) Yup, I am gonna hear a disturbance.  Next is convincing my teenagers that I am not spying on their privacy, but concerned about their seizures.

I am learning on my journey and continue to search for answers.  I will blog and keep you all in the loop.  I am in reality, but also know that my faith + my desire have to be the same, and wow, it is above a ten for both.  When we wholly desire and wholly believe at the same level, anything is possible.  Another time, but I could tell you a list of miracles I have witnessed through being aligned totally with desire and faith.

You may be reading this and are struggling with an issue, a health issue, with your foster or adoptive children, or even your biological child, please contact me.  I am always open to a free, yup FREE, coaching session where I can help you find out YOUR feelings and thoughts about this.

I’m not a therapist guys, I’m a foster/adoptive parent who happens to be a life coach, double certified, ready and willing.  I help you find out what YOU think about this.

Until the next blog, which will be soon, so much happening.  I am going to keep you informed and up to date.

Hey, I am your people.  You found one on of your people.

WILL BLOOM

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This really did work for me!

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I’ve been writing, writing a very important book.

It’s about how I took the foster/parent training and made it work.

If you are a foster/adoptive parent then you know what I am saying.

The things that matter.  Bonds, families, siblings, discipline and love.

I did drink a lot of coffee, but I love what this book says.

You see, if you are not a foster parent, but have thought about it, you need to read this.

I will explain why, right now.

Years ago, some nearly twenty years, I made a decision that changed my life.  I became a foster parent.  I didn’t dream this, I didn’t crave this, it was not my biggest desire, but, I knew I was called to do this.

At my heart, my greatest desire is to write.  Music, books,  poems, anything that matters and can make a difference.  Foster parents make a difference.

The problem has escalated way beyond twenty years ago.

Drug abuse is at an all time high.  So is terrorism.

These two things alone put children in a place without parents.

So, in comes the foster parent.

Or so you would hope.

But there are not enough foster parents to go around.

Children are in group homes, a pretty name for an orphanage.

Here in the United States and other western countries.

Ok, I know not all of you reading this are called to be foster parents.

But, can you be aware?  Can you step up to help another foster parent?

There’s a lot of talk right now about “being a village.”

But no talk of the countless numbers of foster children in our country.

We need to be their village.

The kids need us.

They are alone, they have lost everything, and no, they are not animals that have been abused, but human beings.  Little people.

Children.

Lost in a world that doesn’t care.

I need some volunteers to give me some feed back on my book.  I would love some of you to email me and let me know if you would read it.

By the way?

I wish I had known all of this with my biological children.

Parenting one-on-one.

Email me and get a copy, let me know what you think?

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When You Think You Can’t Handle Anymore

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So you get this child.

A twin…… so two children.

You know they are at risk……birth mom is an addict.

Oh, and then birth mom is epileptic.

Then another set of twins, same birth mom.

Different issues, but same, almost, DNA

All four diagnosed CP (Cerebral Palsy.)

All four in intensive therapies five days a week.

Two have “seizures” which look entirely different.

Nothing shows up.  Two go on without any “evidence”.

But, that’s not the truth.  The silent brain disease is there.

But there are “ticks” or so I am told.

No-one is thinking epilepsy.  No one.

So the years go by and all is ok, or so you think.  A few hiccups.

BUT, THEY, the medical profession, SAY IT’S OK

Fast forward, to teenage years.

One, goes down, two go down, and a third? Out of four.

Epilepsy.

So what now?

Tests, EEG’s, MRI’s, worry, panic?  No.  I will not do that.

You see, these younger four children, two sets of twins, who came from the same birth Mom, (Mum Aussie), are amazing, have conquered so much and blew all diagnosis’ out of the park.

Well on a trip recently to one of our favorite places to visit, a third had a grand mal seizure, while asleep, in the back of our vehicle, which is an airport shuttle.

One, I haven’t had any of them have a seizure while asleep, and two she wasn’t on the list to be epileptic, and three, where and what is causing this?

All of my years of handling seizures went out of the window.  I thought something else, something much more serious.  A cat scan ruled that out, and an EEG confirmed multi epilepsy.

Well, I could be freaked out, but I am glad I know my enemy.  I am thanking God it was not a tumor or something worse.  It is a different form from her twin, and different from her younger sister, but the same genetics.

The fourth?  Yup.  He has an EEG scheduled because he has developed intermittent “tics” which look like his younger sister who has multi focal epilepsy, that means in all parts of her brain, but does not have what we think is a seizure until all those parts fire off at the same time.

I will be relieved, pleased, estactic in fact, if it is only indeed a “tick.”  But, my gut says get it checked out.  I am not up for anymore surprises.  No more seizures in the back of our “bus” and no more traumas to child and family.

So, do I regret buying into this by fostering and adopting these four amazing children?  Never.  Not a moment.  Not a second.  Not a diagnosis, not a reality, not a fearful moment, nothing, no nothing, separates me from my children.

You see, while I did not know I could handle this, God did.  He knew he could trust me to put them first, even if I didn’t.  I’ve never trusted myself, but somehow, God did.  And, I am so glad He did.

If you have ever thought about this journey, as a foster/adoptive parent, you probably will not have the same issues, complicated, and needing issues that we did, because God will call you, and give you the children that are meant for you.

There are few that are called to the mission field, and even fewer that are called to do the mission.  This is a mission field, one that God asked us to in James 1.27.  You, and everyone are called to that mission field, but are you called to do, “DO” the mission.

Only you know.

If this has touched your heart, is calling on your heart and soul, please sign up on my email and contact me. I would love to help you on your journey to find which child, or children, belong in YOUR home.

Kate's Quotes I am not a perfect person

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The Scary Part……Neurologist

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So tomorrow we see the Neurologist.

She has had a headache since the seizure last Saturday night.

She is on anti-seizure medicine, but what is causing this?

In hindsight, I have seen unusual behavior from her in the last six months.

I saw the same thing when she was coming out of the seizure.

The behavior is gone.

After taking anti-seizure medicine.

I thought it came from just “teenager” behavior.

She is almost 16.

She has never had a behavior or discipline issue.

She is sweet, respectful, determined, stubborn, but that is her.

If she wasn’t strong, she would not be alive.

So, how has the last few days been?

Watching like a psycho person.  Wondering if she will seize, knowing she won’t because of meds, but terrified of the next event that will make me and her helpless.

I am wondering now about the studies on seizures.  Is this epilepsy or something else?  She has a brain bleed from birth which has caused concern about learning disabilities, cognitive ability, and all sorts of other unpronounceable diagnosis’.

I am remembering about my eldest child who had strange episodes going through puberty that were diagnosed as temporal lobe epilepsy events and recognize some of the behaviors and symptoms.

I am digging, digging, digging because I am her only advocate.  Even if she was still a foster child, I would be her only advocate.   There is no-one else other than the mother involved, foster, adopted or biological.  No-one else is invested.  No-one else is going to dig, and dig and dig for the answer.

Although this is on some level stressful, on another it is not.  I am a seeker for truth, answers, and my mind and thoughts kick in knowing there is an outcome.  You see, I can think desperate, or I can think, “there is an answer and I will find it”.  I can think hopeless, or I can think, there is an answer.  I can think like this is a valley or I can think like this is knowledge leading me to have power over this situation, and end up on the mountain top.

You can too.  I learned this through a few years of learning to be a Life Coach.  I have such a different perspective on all emotions and thought patterns.

That doesn’t mean I don’t fall apart in the moment, it means I have an insight into my thoughts and how they lead to my feelings.

My thoughts when this event happened were panic driven.  Not rational, not tapping into my knowledge of this disease, just feeling driven thoughts, emotional driven thoughts, not thoughts I could evaluate and consider if they were the right ones.

I was in emotional mind, not wise mind.

This happens, but should not stay there.  You should always come into a wise mind, one that enables you to think clearly, rationally, and know precisely how your thoughts are going to lead to your outcome.

So, if this a new concept, something you don’t understand, please email me, I would so love to help you understand.

Keep connecting for the update, which will come in as soon as tomorrow or the next few days.

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