Tag Archives: Foster Parents

The Endless Seizure Disorder

I reposted about Epileptic seizures, cause now I have four kids, four different seizure disorders.  WOW!

We have Multi Focal, the most scary, Generalized, Tonic and Absence seizures.

And yet?  Life goes on.

Life is not filled with doubt, worry, or anxiety about someone having a seizure, as I know some other parents, and, epileptics are.

Epilepsy does not rule our household in any way, shape or form.

I could say that Autism tries to rule, but we believe we are the parents, even though sometimes, I want to go sit and cry in a corner.

When I became a foster parent, I did not want to foster anyone with anything like this, but, just as your own biological kids, sometimes they come with hidden stuff that shows up later.

Epilepsy showed up with my first biological when she was about twelve or thirteen hitting puberty.  Looking back it may have been what they now call “The Alice In Wonderland Syndrome.”

Alice in Wonderland syndrome is a disorienting neuropsychological condition that affects perception. People experience size distortion such as micropsia, macropsia, pelopsia, or teleopsia. Size distortion may occur of other sensory modalities.”

That is the technical description but what my eldest daughter experienced, was distortion in my size and closeness to her, along with how loud I was speaking.  She would go from thinking I was a giant to a dwarf in these episodes, and always thought I was yelling, when, as frightened as I was, that certainly was not the case.  She seemed to outgrow it, but at forty-four says when she is tired sometimes she has a mild version of this.  Now SHE WAS SCARY!

So, after having my younger sets of twins (related by birth mom) for seventeen and fifteen years, the diagnosis of each twin helped diagnose the others.

The grand mals’ were not as we are led to believe.  Each child has different Grand Mal seizures.

The last diagnosis of absence seizures was only found because of my then sixteen year old having an “out of the blue” seizure described in my former post.

I researched, well googled, cause google knows everything, about having seizures while sleeping.   Suddenly my child who could not stop bedwetting became obvious, which led to me demanding an EEG which proved he was having absence seizures.

All this to say, you are never alone and there is always help.

I am always here to talk, help in anyway.

Your child may not have epilepsy, but, dang I can tell you that is the least of what I have overcome with fostering and adopting children.

More of that to come.

Do you have something that you are seeing or “feeling in your gut” about your foster child?

Go here.

If you would like to read my first book about how we became foster/adoptive parents go here

 

 

A Seizure in the middle of nowhere?

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So, I have a couple of kids who have epileptic seizures.

Scary, but I know who, maybe when, never where.

I have a birth mom to four who is epileptic.

Needs meds to this day.

I have two out of four that I know are epileptic.

I know they have an older sibling who is also.

So, driving down the road, when I hear ” she’s having a seizure”

I expect it to be the known two, not the unknown.

My miracle child who has beaten all odds, like not walking, not talking, not learning, a brain bleed, a leg brace supposed to be forever, is having her first seizure in the back of our airport shuttle in the middle of nowhere and I don’t know why?

I am shocked!

I have forgotten everything I know about seizures because she doesn’t do this!!

I am in full on A type personality mode of “you will come out of this” and now!!

I am not patient!  I am not thinking!  I am in panic mode!

I forget the positioning.  I forget that this is temporary, she will come out.

I forget to soothe.  I forget everything, because I am panicked.

I forget, because the overwhelming love and need to be her everything is not what she needs right now.

I forget because she hasn’t done this before.  She is sixteen.  Although she has a history, she hasn’t presented these symptoms.

I forget because I want to.  I hope and believe all the past issues have gone before me and I don’t have to deal anymore.  But, because of this, I do, and I will.

That same “A” type personality will find out why, what, when and where this could happen.  I will find out what meds are needed, and I will be there when and where every time.

I am reminded of when she was so little, so needing, so unable to even let me know what she wanted, and that is what a seizure is like. In the midst, they don’t know, they can’t tell, can’t express anything that is happening or what they are feeling.

We have more happening here than a seizure or epilepsy history, we have diagnosed Cerebral Palsy, and a brain bleed.  I don’t for one minute think we will not overcome this because knowledge is power and we sure have than on our side.

So, I am encouraging you to see the light through the darkness when all seems like it is crashing to something unexpected

I know my fighter, daughter, teenager is an overcomer.  She has proved this already, she will prove this again.  I have no doubts.

It’s me that struggles through these valleys only to see God on the mountain top, calling me, and telling me I can climb to any heights he calls me to.

If you are struggling, know, that all things are possible through God who strengthens me.

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When you are burned and want to give up……..

You finally got a child, a foster child.

You’ve never had a child of your own, or, your passion to have one is intense.

It’s a small, helpless child.

You got all the information and your head is reeling.

This child needs a home and ours has been chosen.

You love unconditionally.

You let down all your barriers.

Your heart is ruling your head.

And, bam.  There comes a relative, mom or dad.  From nowhere.  One who you think is not fit.

In your heart, this child is yours.

You cannot think of any good qualities this relative may have.

You can only see what you can give.

Familiar?

There are so many more scenarios of this same outcome, but all end in the same way.  The child goes to a relative that you, in YOUR heart, deem to be less than what you can give.

In my case, it was another home that was willing to take four children who I deemed not yet ready to be re-united.  Was I right?  Was I wrong?  I don’t know.  I do know that child contacted me years later and I am still in contact.  Should I have raised her?  The jury is out on that one, because, if she had stayed I would not have the kids I do have.

But, I know of, have known, and do know, foster parents who wanted to adopt and gave up because their hearts were “broken”.”

If this relates to you, I have a word of wisdom for you.

If you truly want to be a parent, and adoptive parent, and want to foster to adopt, the road is rocky at least.

But IT IS WORTH IT!

I would like to encourage you to not give up.  I am blessed beyond measure, but it was not an easy, smooth road without obstacles, worries or doubts.  It was a rocky road.  A rocky road that lead to  blessing for all of us.

We came so close to not having our wonderful sixteen year old twins, but we believed beyond measure, and they stayed.  They brought their half twin sister and brother.  Unmeasurable joy, but not without the fight, the prayers, the belief, and the staying power.

I wish I had someone back then who could have helped me, understood, listened, encouraged, and led me to make better decisions for myself, and my family.

If this tugs at your heart, then I have another alternative.

Once upon a time we all went back in time, but, if you want to go forward, are ready to go forward, leave behind the stuff and are truly ready to explore your options about adopting from being a foster parent, or just leaping out to foster a child, then I have a great offer for you.

You see, I was you once.  But now, I am a double certified life coach, a foster mum of about fifty odd kids, and an adoptive mum of eight, including three sets of twin, with all eight being special needs.

I want to be your HELP in times of doubt, struggle and trouble.

If you need to talk, well you can for free.  I will give you as much time as you need to see if we are a fit, a match, and if I can help help you in your journey.

Just go here, click, sign up on your email and I will respond.  No questions, no commitments.  Just a free talk with someone who has been in your shoes, and has weathered the system.

I so look forward to helping you on this amazing journey, one I know is worth the rocks and hard places to get where you belong.  With your child.

When Your Life Is In A Trash Bag (And You Think You Are Just Plain Garbage)

I chose a drama piece for my theatre group the other day.

It was about foster kids.

Foster kids who didn’t stay in one place.

The ones that are troublesome.

The ones that think their life doesn’t count.

The ones looking for love from someone who sees through their disguise.

The ones that carry their life in a “trash bag.”

If you have enough its a black large one.

If you don’t its a white one meant for the kitchen size trash can.

I know this is real.  You see I fostered kids who came with a trash bag.

The saddest thing is one of my new drama kids, was that kid.

The one with the trash bag.

At three.

Her mom did drugs, and so did her dad.

She was a trash bag kid at three.

She thought she was garbage at three.

Cause, garbage comes in trash bags, not your life.

Your possessions.

Your jeans, your make up (to cover the bruises), your basketball, your hairbrush, your teddy bear (if you are lucky), your toothbrush, and maybe your deodorant.

Yup, not made up.  True.  To this day.  Sad….pathetic.

Not the kids.

The adults who tip them out with the same trash bag.

So why do the adults tip them out?

Because they cannot cope with the pain either.  Sometimes it is really hard to dig for coping skills in our own lives.

Sometimes they get thrown away like the part that no-one can deal with;  or can explain, can heal, can help, because the pain is deep, it wounds, and the wounds dig into the adults trying to help.

It exposes parts of the very people trying to help, to the point where it is so painful, they give up.  They send them away, with a trash bag, because, the pain is part of them.  It is something that brings up memories, or hurt, the very things that made them become foster parents in the first place.  The hidden things training did not address.

You see I have learned that as a foster parent you need to know why you want to do this very important duty.  What issues in your life, or what desires in your life,  caused you to want to help this foster child carrying the trash bag.  Your issues and desires need to come to the light and you need to understand them to be able to deal.

Well how do I know this?  Gosh I fostered over fifty kids, and yes, sad to say, there were some that brought up my issues.  I wish I had known then what I know now.  I needed to deal with rejection, sexual abuse, and controlling issues because I was a victim of these things, myself.

If you are a foster parent reading this, I urge you to dig deep into the reasons you want to do this amazing, rewarding, fulfilling  adventure.  If you do, and understand those issues in your own life that have lead you to this, then you will have total fulfillment and also be the best foster/adoptive parent you are capable of being.

I have a task.  It is to enlighten and educate with the experience I have as a long term foster/adoptive parent.  Even if that precious, hard to understand child comes with a trash bag, let’s not let them leave the same way.  Let’s help them see their life is valuable, worthy and that God loves them regardless.

I have a task.  To love on my new drama student.  A trash bag kid at the age of three.  To make sure she never has to feel like she is garbage.

If you know of any foster kids in your area, donate a back pack, please!  Lets use trash bags for the purpose they were designed for.

If you would like to talk to me I offer a free coaching session to help you on your journey in this difficult, but rewarding call.

Click here to contact!

Want to Adopt? Where from……………….

 

So, you want to adopt?

Where from?

How?

How old?

When?

All of these questions arise when the thought, adoption, comes into your mind and won’t let go.

You live it, dream it, google it, it never leaves.

I remember the very first time that thought came to my head.

I remember the importance of the moment, and the impatience that came along with it.

I wanted to get going NOW!!!!!

But where from, how, when, like how long does this take?

It all fell into perfect place for me and I found my feet through all of the trainings and paperwork, but it isn’t always that easy.

Our first choices for adoption did not work out.  I didn’t fully understand that until much later on, but, they simply were not meant to be my children.  God had another plan.

I have fostered, not my first choice either, but one I will never regret. How could I?  That is where my adopted eight came from.  Foster Care.

There were many times in my journey through fostering, adopting and raising the children I was entrusted with, that I really felt alone.

Although exciting when your child arrives, it comes with all of the usual, and some not so usual, behaviors and issues.

Quite frankly, I wished I had a shoulder to lean on more than once.  I paid for non-refundable counseling for a whole year which was valuable, but didn’t ever give me a game plan for the future.

I also ended up involved in an overseas adoption and brought a very sad, but angry, child back to the USA from Liberia, after his first adoption fell apart.

I wished I had someone to lean on then as well.  Someone who knew some of the obstacles I would face.

Today, I am that person I wished I had back then.

Are you in that place right now where you would love someone to lean on?  Where you have a future plan and know where you are going?

Are you looking at choices of where to adopt from and it has become overwhelming?

Whether you are a foster to adopt, or seeking to adopt, I have answers for you.

After fostering fifty or so children, adopting eight, custody of two more, and raising twelve, I have walked in your shoes.

This adoption journey has been the most life changing event that ever happened to me.  Amazing, full of love, laughter, tears, and a lot of growing to love unconditionally those things I could not, and cannot change.

I am now a certified Life Coach and am offering a free coaching session.  You can click the link below and experience how an hour of coaching can change your life.

Here is the link.

p.s. Never become an island

p.p.s. Help is at hand.

When The Honeymoon is over……what next?

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This morning I needed a plumber.

This morning my plumber needed me.

Why?

My plumber had been together with his partner for nineteen years with no children.

Three months ago, he took home his niece and nephew with guardianship, because their drug addicted mother could no longer care for them.

One month ago, being compassionate, caring and trying to do the right thing, he tried to  “help” their mother.

All chaos broke out.

He does not understand why his efforts to be kind and caring are backfiring.

A few questions and he answered all his own questions.

You see, you cannot change anyone, including a 32 year old addict.

All of your best efforts to do so will fall on deaf ears.

Change can only come from within.

But, children, can be changed and guided by love, understanding, and building trust with them.

The change still comes from within them, but is guided by parents, guardians, foster parents, those that are sent to guide them, lead them, and love them.

Children are still forming their minds and patterns even in the midst of chaos.

They are looking for a hero, someone who will love them regardless.

They will push every boundary, and test you to the limit.

They may have seen too much, but, given the right guidance, counsel, and wise counsel, they will survive and overcome.

In my personal experience, I cannot change the addict, they can only change themselves, with professional help.

Again, in my personal experience, I can help the child to embrace a different life by providing the right counsel, opportunities, understanding and love.  Tough love at times, but love.

Love alone does not work.  Prayer, followed by hard work and dedication do have an effect.

Just as in marriages, honeymoons end, and, real life begins.  When the honeymoon ends, that’s when we see the real picture, and know just where to go, what to adjust, and if we do have the stamina and tolerance to ride this relationship to it’s fruition.

I could have left my marriage many times when things did not go my way.  I could have walked from relationships with my children when times got tough, and I could have walked from my relationship with my elderly mother when times got to be outrageous.

But, a relationship, has two sides.  Yours and theirs.  I choose to sculpt my side of any relationship in the form I want and need it to be.  It rubs off if it is done with the right attitude and the right heart.

So, in the case of my plumber, he wants to talk with me a whole lot more because his mind gained a new clarity after our “conversation” or impromptu coaching session.  He went from being the victim, to understanding the real victim, the child.

He went from feeling hurt, to understanding the hurt from the child.  He left not feeling hurt from words said from a thirteen year old child, but empowered knowing he can stand on the other side and help the child without getting his feelings hurt.

I leave you with this.  No child needs to be left behind if our thoughts are captured, looked at really hard, and understand that we will survive, but if we take offense from a child who has been abused and neglected, we are not helping anyone, including ourselves.
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So You Want To Foster To Adopt

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You are frustrated. You want to adopt a child, here, not overseas.

The system is difficult, long suffering, and impossible.

You decide to foster to adopt.

You expect your first child is going to be the one that stays, he/she doesn’t.

Then the second, the third, the group of three, none stay.  You are disillusioned.

You want to give up.

Why?

Maybe those children were not meant to be yours long term?

Maybe God just meant them to be there for you to nurture in the transition back to family who could parent?

What if you were their Angel unaware in their time of need?

What if you were the person who gave them their first hug, their first bedtime story, their first regular schedule, their first smile.

Does that change the way you are feeling?

Think about it.  Because God has the right child, or children in the right time.  Sometimes we just give up before the moment of miracles.

Our heart breaks with longing for the child we want to hold.  Their heart is breaking with longing for the mother or father they want to love them.

It’s sort of a catch 22.  We long for a baby, or child, they long for a family, and yet we are stuck in our own thoughts, and not allowing for the child’s.  What if you did that?  Stood in the child’s shoes?

Think of the fear they feel.  Think of the confusion; the rejection, thinking their parents have left.  Think of the lack of affection, the toys, bedtimes stories, hugs, home cooked food, pajamas, a bed of their own, all of these they do not have.

If you can give this for a week, a month, and in my case once, a year, then you have done your part of this amazing journey.  You have changed a child’s life.  You are truly a foster to adopt parent.

Your forever child will come.  At the right time, in the right circumstance, the right age (whether you asked for this or not) and the right sex.  Boy or girl doesn’t matter you know.  You get what you get when you birth them biologically.

I have two children specifically in my mind that I thought I wanted to be my forever children, but it was not to be.  In hindsight, I was right. The system was right in one case;  I painfully chose another family for the other,  but, it worked out.

Big news.  I am still in contact with them to this day because I did the job of the Foster Parent.  I so wanted them to be mine forever, but, that was not the plan, the ultimate Almighty plan.  I am blessed because I went with the plan.

Oh, and did I tell you this?  I ended up with eight adopted children, including three sets of twins.  Those that God meant to stay did, and to those children that I was meant to be their Angel unaware, I was.  To fifty or so of them.

Don’t look at the prize guys, look at the journey, and the joy on the way.  The prize is not your forever kids, it is the love, comfort and joy you give to those that are put upon your path in the journey of the Foster to Adopt parent.  Your forever kids are more than the prize, they are the virtual love of God given to you, for being able to give of your heart to “the lost children” who needed you, needed you in every hour.  Those children become “Invisible.”  They feel that way, until you pick them up, in your arms, love them, nurture them, read to them, and sometimes give them back to family who love them too.

If you want a free mini session (life coaching) go here.

If you want to list to a song that will minister about this go here.

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Miracles Do HAPPEN!!!!!

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I believe in miracles go here and  listen to this amazing song about ordinary miracles.

In my family ordinary, everyday miracles happen, because I believe.

I don’t even think about it, I just believe.

I could not have done that some seventeen years ago, but my life changed.

I had, HAD to, believe in ordinary, everyday miracles.  For my kids.

I am in Nashville right now.  I have a child, that is legally mine, who is a walking miracle.

I read up on google, who is your friend, today about his diagnosis.

He should not be alive, let alone, be walking or talking or being anything other than maybe in a vegetative state, or a slow, long, painful recovery of a very severely traumatized brain.

What I read.  An aneurism, a blood clot, a stroke, a trauma to his grey/white matter in his brain.  Top that off with a spleen trauma, deep lacerations to his left face, ear, hand, arm, and five different fractures to his back.

This is a walking miracle.  Four weeks later, he is talking, standing, walking, still a little scrambled in his memories vs his aspirations, but heck, even the hospital staff and doctors don’t get this.  He is God’s Miracle.

This child, or young man really, I just think of him as a child, came to me seven years ago because of another miracle in his life.

You see, he was adopted, but the adoption went sour, and south, in a very bad way.  The end result was he was the kid who escaped the authorities in both countries, Liberia and USA, and ended up in the interior of Rivercess.  He was westernized.  He couldn’t catch fish with his bare hands, or climb a coconut tree.  He suffered beyond what a child should.  He thought he deserved this.

I didn’t.  My amazing hubby didn’t either.  And we found him and brought him back. An amazing miracle.  How do you find a kid in the jungle in less than a day?  God.    This is the young man who has yet again suffered physically, and mentally.

When I heard the news, I never doubted he would be healed, fully, back to total mental and physical health.  I am watching that happen.

He will survive.  He will be full restored cognitively and physically.  He will have all of his memories, and full capacity of his abilities.

You see, our God reigns.  Supremely, undoubtedly, truthfully, justly, righteously, kindly, and knows everything.  Yup, everything.  He guides us, forgives us, loves us, and heals.  Mind, body, soul and spirit.  He is our creator of everything including life and death.  He decides, we don’t.  We only think we do.

Challenges are God breathed.  They are there for us to meet, rise up and move forward.a must place to visit while you're on-2
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Is Your Desire Enough?

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Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child Isaiah, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and more than that right now with Isaiah being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

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Stronger!

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You see that word there?  Islands.

We cannot be islands, but there are times when we need to be.

My son, Isaiah, or his real name Friday, has at many times needed in his mind to be just that.  He is the one third from the left, front row,  in the photo.

An Island.

Why?

Because too many people had failed him.  Let him down.

He felt abandoned.  Alone.  Unloved, Rejected. But strong.

You see through his trials, losing his mother, losing his father when he could not provide for him anymore, losing his first adoptive family because they were too young and made mistakes, being sent back, yes “back” to Africa, being in the “interior” a nice name for jungle and suffering to the point of death at a very young age.

Starving, not knowing how to catch fish with his bare hands, not knowing how to climb a coconut tree.  These were the issues a westernized, thirteen year old faced going back to the Interior, south of Monrovia,  Liberia.

Did it make him STRONG?  You bet.  There is a song out there called “Stronger” and the words pale into insignificance compared to my sweet boy’s journey.

Strong is now being applied in a different way.  A car crash.  Terrible.  No one even knows how he was alive when they found him.  Two hours after, and two rescue units to cut him out.  An ear cut off, a spleen damaged, three fractures of his spine, but the worst?  A life threatening head injury.  Trauma to his brain.  Swelling, fluid that causes life and death issues, not only with the brain, but with the lungs filling with fluid.

He IS a MIRACLE!!!

Dang, another one?

You see when you become part of my family, a miracle is expected.

I never doubted his recovery from first knowledge.  I just prayed.  I interceded in the heavenlys, I sent healing to him through prayers and intercession, holding a space for him to recover.  He has, and will have a full recovery.  Why, because my desire for this meets my belief it will happen.

Ok, sink that in.  When you believe as much as you desire, then God makes it happen.  I could tell you more miracles that have happened  because my dog determined belief plus desire made it happen.

That’s another blog.  But, my sweet boy, is going to be ok.  It will take time, but not the time they think, because once again, he is STRONG, and my belief/desire is STRONG!

I am in awe of the power of God, the healing powers, but also the gifts he gives of discernment to hear when his children are hurting and the gift of intercession.

The other miracle here is, there is not a mark on his face.  He has stitches for cuts on his left arm, and it was his left ear, all of course on the drivers side, but, not a mark on his sweet, beautiful face.  Not a stitch, nothing.  God is good all of the time.

Now, I am going to challenge you on something.  You see I don’t look at the negative, which means I walk in abundance.  This took me a while to discern, but I believe always in the healing, the restoration, never the opposite.

Thoughts for you to ponder on.  Don’t always go to the negative, always desire and believe.  All things are possible, everything is possible if you BELIEVE!


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