Tag Archives: Parenting skills

The parenting and the struggle when nature shows up stronger than nurture!

I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 

They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 

I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

 

Do you struggle with the behavior of an adopted or foster child?

I have struggled many times with different foster and adopted children.

It isn’t easy.

Often you find yourself feeling like you have let yourself down as well as your child.

You can also experience a wide range of emotions.

Anger and self-doubt are just a couple.

Fear can be another one if you are dealing with serious issues.

As well,  anxiety can wreak havoc on the best of parents.

But, even though my journey through fostering and adoption has been rocky at the time, I have never regretted it.

I am now in the teen years with six of my children.

The eldest set of twins, now 22, are still at home as well.

Each of them has had their moments when they needed a lot of attention and therapy.

Having eight, with three sets of twins has had its challenges.

I have sat on the floor and cried.

I have wondered what was the best solution.

I have had difficulties in school, with IEP’s and non-understanding children.

I have had Children’s services called when a difficult child was trying to run away.

There’s not much I have seen or experienced.

I would not have handled this well if not for my faith and the lessons well learned in becoming a triple certified life coach.

You see, Life Coaching taught me mindfulness.

Learning to control how I thought about a lot of these behaviors etc.

I learned how to see the other side of the picture, and observe the behavior, instead of acting unwisely sometimes.

I can help you with your struggle.

You can feel a lot better about parenting difficult behaviors.

I can show you how because I’ve done it!

If you would like to talk to me click here.

Talk soon!!  Don’t stay in the struggle, there is help!

“It’s better to help a child than fix an adult”  Dave Thomas

 


How do you really get the desires of your heart?

 

 

Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child abandoned, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and another child  being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

If you would like a complimentary coaching session about this contact me here.

 


Are You Enough? Is Your Child Enough?

 

Are you enough for you?

Do you question yourself when you are fostering a difficult child?

Do you wonder sometimes about your child you adopted?  If you had  known how this would turn from sweet baby to difficult child?

I have.

I still do, about twice, or three times for four or more a month.

But, then again I did the same thing with my biological children.

When you foster or adopt this sweet little innocent baby, or toddler, you cannot imagine they will grow up into teenagers, or pre-teens that begin to manifest some of the behaviors they learned or inherited.

Your biological children have inherited behaviors.  They have personality traits passed down, physical features and talents and abilities.

So do your foster or adopted children.

It IS nurture and nature.  In both situations.  Biological and fostered or adopted.

When you think “nature” is being difficult what are your thoughts about that?

Do you think you are not enough to cope with the difficulties arising?

Or do you think your child in not enough?

Your thoughts of “not enough” are wrong in both counts.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

YOUR CHILD IS ENOUGH!

It’s our beliefs about ourselves that are tainted with thoughts passed down from previous generations.  Same with our kids.  We pass some of our thoughts to them.  Some work, some don’t.

Same with our foster or adopted kids.

Wrong behaviors are generational.  They are inherited, but, they can be changed.  By you, and in doing that, in your children.  Biological or other.

It is how you think about your child and yourself as to whether you think you are enough.

I can tell you, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOUR CHILD IS ENOUGH!

If you struggle with being enough go here.

Autism.

 

Autism.

Sucks.

But does it?

I have two autistic children in my life.

One of my “New Thompsons'” and a grandchild.

My adopted child is now 19 plus and still struggles.

My grand child is just beginning, but has so many similarities.

Do you realize there is no educational system past elementary to address this issue in school, at least in Georgia?

Autism_does_not_go_away!  Just because we reached middle school!

Do you know the public school system does not address dyslexia as well?

Well I guess you don’t read for the rest of your life.

I have five dyslexic children.  My grand baby I suspect has this as well.

I was lucky enough to find an amazing Private Christian School that addressed dyslexia.

That was after I paid $1600 a month for my autistic dyslexic child to learn how to read.  The public system did not want, or even recognize, the issues my child had.

Shocking reality.  She passed kindergarten in public school, but she could not tell an “A” from a “B” nor a “7 ” from a “9”.  Ridiculous.

Was she smart?  Intelligent?  Oh My!!!

We call her the BPS, not the GPS because she could tell us directions to anywhere she had been once.  Genius.  She will never get lost directionally.

I think this is  ignorance about these issues as is our ignorance about the children who come into care every day.

There is much media about all sorts of stuff, but not about the children who need our help, our support and homes in some cases.

So, my grand baby will have a fierce advocate in his Grammy.  I will not ever let this go.

When will we stand for what is right?

I will.  Will you join me?

 

 

 

 

 

What do YOU want to know about Fostering, or Adoption?

Somehow, over the last day or so, I was reminded of what I needed as a new, or even seasoned, foster parent.

I guess it was the training at my church.

Brought back so many memories but so many questions as well.

I knew nothing back then.

I just had a big desire in my heart to help a child in need.

My desire overcame my fear.

I’m sure you relate.

It’s pretty scary to take that first step.

But, when that desire to be a foster, or a foster to adopt parent is in your heart, your desire dial is about a ten.

Being truthful, my fear was so nearly greater than my desire to help a child.

I deliberated, or contemplated adopting, never fostering, for some six or seven years.

Fear dial vs desire dial.

Ok dial?

Like fear 1-10.  Desire 1-10.

Your desire will  overcome your fear if you let it.

So many let fear rule.

I nearly did.  In fact right up to the day I fostered my first two kids, I let fear rule.

Why did I change my mind?

Well, it came down to what was in my heart..

I wanted to help “lost” children.

Those nobody even knew about, let alone cared about.

I thought I was in this for the ethnic kids who had trouble being placed or adopted.

God changed my mind.

It’s not about ethnicity, it’s about the child, or in my case children.

I was so caught up in no-one wanted the ethnic kids, I could have missed the children God ordained for me.

Funny thing?  I have kids of all ethenticities.

I just didn’t focus on that.

I focused on the need.

I ended up with three sets of twins.

Well, that was a need not able to be fulfilled by many.

If you continue to have fear over so many issues regarding fostering, or foster to adopt, your fear dial  is overwhelming your desire dial.

Your fear is dialing on a scale of 1-10 more than your desire is dialing on a scale of 1-10.

Where do you want to be?

Fear comes from the unknown.

I can help you with that.

Do you need to talk to someone who has been here done that?

Well, I can help you with that,

Go here, if you would like to talk.

Catch you next time!

 

 

A Walk Down Memory Lane

This past week-end we had a Foster Parent training at our church.

As I was setting up snacks etc, those first words that were part of my training were hanging in the air again.

Each time I came back into the room to check all was well, there would be more familiar words that I recalled, word for word.

Fostering is not easy.

It can be complicated.

You have to have patience, along with love and kindness.

Tolerance doesn’t hurt either.

After twenty years you would think that the original training I had was nearly forgotten.

But, when I thought about it, it was remembered because every aspect of it was needed.

Every training I went to over the years was beneficial and informative.

Every foster parent had a question, a situation, a need that was put out on the table and given attention.

We hear a lot of “bad” reports on fostering, but, there are so many good reports that get lost.

Sometimes the question of whether to be a foster parent and what that looks like, simmers in our thoughts for a long time before we take any action at all.

I always thought we made a quick decision, when in fact, the thought of adoption, or fostering to adopt, was in my thoughts for about seven years before, it seemed like, suddenly, overnight, we were doing our foster parent training.

Is that you?

Do you think about being a foster parent?

Is something holding you back?

Go here and I would love to help you through your thoughts.

If you would like to read my new book before it is released go here.

It is titled “Ten Slices of Swiss Cheese or Ten Tools For Foster Adoptive Parents.”

Remember, “It is always better to build a child, than fix an adult,” Dave Thomas.

A Seizure in the middle of nowhere?

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So, I have a couple of kids who have epileptic seizures.

Scary, but I know who, maybe when, never where.

I have a birth mom to four who is epileptic.

Needs meds to this day.

I have two out of four that I know are epileptic.

I know they have an older sibling who is also.

So, driving down the road, when I hear ” she’s having a seizure”

I expect it to be the known two, not the unknown.

My miracle child who has beaten all odds, like not walking, not talking, not learning, a brain bleed, a leg brace supposed to be forever, is having her first seizure in the back of our airport shuttle in the middle of nowhere and I don’t know why?

I am shocked!

I have forgotten everything I know about seizures because she doesn’t do this!!

I am in full on A type personality mode of “you will come out of this” and now!!

I am not patient!  I am not thinking!  I am in panic mode!

I forget the positioning.  I forget that this is temporary, she will come out.

I forget to soothe.  I forget everything, because I am panicked.

I forget, because the overwhelming love and need to be her everything is not what she needs right now.

I forget because she hasn’t done this before.  She is sixteen.  Although she has a history, she hasn’t presented these symptoms.

I forget because I want to.  I hope and believe all the past issues have gone before me and I don’t have to deal anymore.  But, because of this, I do, and I will.

That same “A” type personality will find out why, what, when and where this could happen.  I will find out what meds are needed, and I will be there when and where every time.

I am reminded of when she was so little, so needing, so unable to even let me know what she wanted, and that is what a seizure is like. In the midst, they don’t know, they can’t tell, can’t express anything that is happening or what they are feeling.

We have more happening here than a seizure or epilepsy history, we have diagnosed Cerebral Palsy, and a brain bleed.  I don’t for one minute think we will not overcome this because knowledge is power and we sure have than on our side.

So, I am encouraging you to see the light through the darkness when all seems like it is crashing to something unexpected

I know my fighter, daughter, teenager is an overcomer.  She has proved this already, she will prove this again.  I have no doubts.

It’s me that struggles through these valleys only to see God on the mountain top, calling me, and telling me I can climb to any heights he calls me to.

If you are struggling, know, that all things are possible through God who strengthens me.

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Parenting vs Cyberspace

 

 

 

 

This week we have been on Fall break.

Four kids home from school, one at college, two working, one sleeping.

Eight at home is hard.

Two is easy,  four a bit harder.

Anything over that?

You need your radar to be very accurate.

We live in a culture that would like to think we don’t have responsibility for kids after they turn eighteen.

That is exactly how it is in the foster system.

That is how we are programmed in this country.

Why?

Because all kids go to college at eighteen don’t they?

I hate to disillusion  you but that is just not quite correct.

Not only in the foster child system, but in many families.

What happens to the learning disabled child who doesn’t get through the education requirements?

What happens to the kid with a mental disease that has trouble coping in those teenage years?

What happens to just a normal kid who doesn’t make the grade?

I have seen cyber space interfere with my kids in this generation.

Social media reigns.

Celebrity reality shows are influential and quite frankly not reality.

Snap Chat and Instagram need your parental watch at all time.

FaceBook?  Wow!  Dang!  Watch who is asking to friend your sweet teenager, girl or boy.

Get a grip.  Know their passwords.  Insist on their phones being checked randomly if they have them. Um…… yes I succumbed to the phone pressure, but am happy now to take that phone, tablet, whatever and hide it.

We hear all of this on the news programs and think it will not be my child.  Wrong!

How do I know?

It happened to my child.  My sweet slightly disabled child who thought all of these “friend requests” were innocent and pure.

Not.

I am lucky because I am vigilant.  More than my kids want me to be.  But guess what?

Suck it up kids!  I’m the parent here no matter what age you are living in my house.

If you live in my house, you live by my rules.

Trust me, it works.

This is an age of entitlement and our kids are being taught this through social media, and social contacts at school.

Disney isn’t Disney anymore.  At least not on Television.

Watch what your children watch.  Listen to what your children listen to.

You decide.  You are the parent after all.

If you struggle with this and would like to talk about it go here.  My gift to you.

I am not only a foster parent to about fifty children, I have adopted eight.  I also am actively involved with a foster parent agency in my church.

What do you struggle with?  Want to talk?  Just click here.

Keep parenting, keep fostering, keep adopting.

 

When Fear Overcomes Your Desire To Foster/Adopt

This photo is of me on my front porch.

I’ve been on that front porch with more than one therapist.

Someone who is helping me and my child.

You see, there is help.  Help in all situations when you foster/adopt.

But there is also fear.

Fear that there will be no help, nobody to support you.

Fear that overcomes you to the point that the desire you have to foster/adopt is overcome by it.

I have heard so many stories where foster parents give up.

Why?  Their heart is broken or their expectation is not met.

Yet, there are still children out there needing foster parents.

Their hearts are already broken, sometimes even shattered.

Our hearts mend.  We are adults.  We can overcome.

But, can they?  Overcome?  Live without a parent?

There are 700,000 children that pass through the foster system in this country every year.

400,000 end up in a foster situation where there are not enough homes, or families to step up.

In any county on any day, at least in Georgia, there are 500 kids in foster care with only 100 foster families.

What happens to the others?

Go back in time, to when you were a kid.  What if you were put in foster care?

What would that have felt like?

Who would you have wanted to be there for you?

You see, I had four biological kids, all who had some sort of issue.

So, what if amazing hubby and I had died in an accident, who would have taken them?

That’s the thought that led me to be a foster/adoptive parent.

Do you have fears around the desire to be a foster/adoptive parent?

Do you want to overcome that and maybe have the most rewarding experience in your life?

Then go here.  I would love to talk to YOU!

My Amazing Family through birth, adoption, rescue, and foster.


The Joys and Challenges of The Foster/Adoptive Parent

Adopting eight kids is a joy!

Adopting eight kids is a challenge!

One set of twins is a joyful surprise!

Three sets of twins is a challenge!

But, do not get me wrong, all children bring joy!

All children bring challenges.

Adopted, fostered or biological.

My journey brought much joy and restoration to my life.

You see I lost an identical twin with my second pregnancy.

I was blessed with one of them, but was sad that I never conceived another set of twins.

I knew I was a twin mum.   So did God!  He sent three sets!

Often when there is an adoption through a private agency that turns out to be twins, it becomes a little unstable.

It is much harder to make the decision to adopt out two babies, over one, but, that is not always the case.

You see, my extended adopted family, was in exactly that position.

I did not know them at the time of the adoption, but, they were about to adopt twins from the same birth mother that two sets of my twins came from.  Whew, complicated.

What birth mum has three sets of twins!  Well, this one did.  Her first two sets came into foster care, where I became first their foster parent, and then their adoptive parent.  The second set are two and a half years younger than their older sisters, but, came to us because in the Foster system, they really do try to keep siblings together.

We were and are totally blessed.  Of course they are all now teenagers, and that, is another challenge, and story for another day.

The third set came along about eight years after my youngest.  By a miracle, and I do believe in miracles, we were connected with the new adoptive parents of these amazing little ones.  Birth mum had gone through an agency, and the parents were in an open adoption with her.

We all had this immediate extended family connection.  I will never forget our first adoptive mum to mom conversation.  It lasted for hours.  Today, we all keep in contact, have visited, and are overdue for a visit.  Hoping to correct that in the very near future.

Fostering is not for the feint of heart, but the joy is so rewarding.  And, if I had not fostered, I would not have my two singletons, and my three sets of twins.  All came through foster care, as infants.

All were new borns except my eldest boys who were twenty months old.

Don’t be afraid of fostering, your heart will mend, theirs will not; unless they find YOU, the home and mother they are meant to go to.

And last thing, do not put limits on God’s gifts to you.  You may want two children like I did, and He may call you to more.

Please accept my complimentary gift of a free coaching session here.

And please accept this gift of our Ten Layers Of Swiss Cheese orTen Tools For Foster/Adoptive Parents here.

You may have questions.  Please go here for my story in the book “Is Eight Enough.”

See you on the call!

My child I fostered from a broken adoption that put him on the streets of Liberia with no family, no home, no love and no comfort.  If you want to read his story go here.

ps.  He had the most horrific accident just about a year ago.

pps.  He fully recovered miraculously.

ppps.  God saved him twice from the jungle of Africa, He didn’t give up.  He saved him again.  Go here for his story.

My family!  Blessed!