Tag Archives: parenting

The Struggle Is Real!

When you are a Foster Parent the struggle is REAL!

There are days when you feel immensely alone.

When you think you should give up.

When you think nothing is working with this particular child.

The thoughts of failure and wondering where to turn next, are real.

I remember when my first foster children came.  Twin boys, for the weekend.

They had clothes on that were too small, and held on tightly to their bottles, which looked grimy.

The stared almost vacantly at me as I pasted a smile on my face through the tears I was trying to hide.

They screamed every time I put them in a car seat, every time I put them in a bath, every time I went to change their diaper.

It was exhausting, and frustrating for all of us.

But even though it was hard work, those boys turned twenty-two last week.  Handsome young men.  It sure was a long week-end.

As a foster parent, or a foster to adopt parent, there will be struggles, but there will also be immense rewards.

I had a conversation with a client the other day, a foster parent, who was really doubting herself, but she had no need to do so.

Did she have a difficult child!  Yes, the struggle here was real!

Was she doing all the right things even though the child was protesting?

Absolutely!  She needed to be re-assured.  She needed to hear affirmation that “going with her gut” and being consistent in her parenting, really was working.

There are so many stories that are heartbreaking, yet end up be a joyful testimony to yet another young life turned around.

When children remain in the foster care system for years, or get bounced around from home to home, the statistics of failure for these children is very high.

Dave Thomas said, “it is better to build a child, than fix an adult.”

He was right.

Cycles of abuse and neglect can be broken.

Love can be restored, and build a child up instead of tearing that same child down.

Are you a foster parent?

Or are you thinking you might like to know more about foster parenting or foster to adopt a child?

I would love to give you a complimentary coaching session and answer some of your questions.  Go here!

Let’s continue to seek out and find the “lost children” in our world.

See you next blog!

The Joys and Challenges of The Foster/Adoptive Parent

Adopting eight kids is a joy!

Adopting eight kids is a challenge!

One set of twins is a joyful surprise!

Three sets of twins is a challenge!

But, do not get me wrong, all children bring joy!

All children bring challenges.

Adopted, fostered or biological.

My journey brought much joy and restoration to my life.

You see I lost an identical twin with my second pregnancy.

I was blessed with one of them, but was sad that I never conceived another set of twins.

I knew I was a twin mum.   So did God!  He sent three sets!

Often when there is an adoption through a private agency that turns out to be twins, it becomes a little unstable.

It is much harder to make the decision to adopt out two babies, over one, but, that is not always the case.

You see, my extended adopted family, was in exactly that position.

I did not know them at the time of the adoption, but, they were about to adopt twins from the same birth mother that two sets of my twins came from.  Whew, complicated.

What birth mum has three sets of twins!  Well, this one did.  Her first two sets came into foster care, where I became first their foster parent, and then their adoptive parent.  The second set are two and a half years younger than their older sisters, but, came to us because in the Foster system, they really do try to keep siblings together.

We were and are totally blessed.  Of course they are all now teenagers, and that, is another challenge, and story for another day.

The third set came along about eight years after my youngest.  By a miracle, and I do believe in miracles, we were connected with the new adoptive parents of these amazing little ones.  Birth mum had gone through an agency, and the parents were in an open adoption with her.

We all had this immediate extended family connection.  I will never forget our first adoptive mum to mom conversation.  It lasted for hours.  Today, we all keep in contact, have visited, and are overdue for a visit.  Hoping to correct that in the very near future.

Fostering is not for the feint of heart, but the joy is so rewarding.  And, if I had not fostered, I would not have my two singletons, and my three sets of twins.  All came through foster care, as infants.

All were new borns except my eldest boys who were twenty months old.

Don’t be afraid of fostering, your heart will mend, theirs will not; unless they find YOU, the home and mother they are meant to go to.

And last thing, do not put limits on God’s gifts to you.  You may want two children like I did, and He may call you to more.

Please accept my complimentary gift of a free coaching session here.

And please accept this gift of our Ten Layers Of Swiss Cheese orTen Tools For Foster/Adoptive Parents here.

You may have questions.  Please go here for my story in the book “Is Eight Enough.”

See you on the call!

My child I fostered from a broken adoption that put him on the streets of Liberia with no family, no home, no love and no comfort.  If you want to read his story go here.

ps.  He had the most horrific accident just about a year ago.

pps.  He fully recovered miraculously.

ppps.  God saved him twice from the jungle of Africa, He didn’t give up.  He saved him again.  Go here for his story.

My family!  Blessed!

 

Is Being a Foster Parent Right For Me?

What is being a foster parent like?

I asked the same question.

How can you know though without trying?

You can’t.  (Keep reading for the special offer!)

You find you have this desire or passion but are wary about acting on it.

I did too.

I was positive I was not going to foster.  I was only going to adopt.

I would have missed out on a world of surprises and deep gratification.

But I didn’t have any clue about what it was really like going through the classes.

Oh, I knew enough, but not enough to make me step up.

I only stepped up because of an urgent phone call late on a Friday afternoon, when the “yes” came out of my mouth before I knew it.

But, those identical twin boys turned twenty one last birthday.  If I had not fostered them, they would not be my sons today.

In fact all eight of my adopted children came as foster children.  I would have none of them if I had not been a foster parent.  And, maybe, their siblings would not have had the opportunity to be adopted into the same family.   Not everyone wants to adopt eight kids, but if you cannot afford enormous adoption fees, fostering to adopt is a wonderful experience.

Even though I sort of stumbled into fostering, I loved every minute.  I would love to share my story with you.

If you are interested, or feel fostering to adopt is something you would like to explore get a free copy of my book, ” Is Eight Enough” here!
Would love your feedback.  Feel free to contact me on FB here!

Cheers!

When you are burned and want to give up……..

You finally got a child, a foster child.

You’ve never had a child of your own, or, your passion to have one is intense.

It’s a small, helpless child.

You got all the information and your head is reeling.

This child needs a home and ours has been chosen.

You love unconditionally.

You let down all your barriers.

Your heart is ruling your head.

And, bam.  There comes a relative, mom or dad.  From nowhere.  One who you think is not fit.

In your heart, this child is yours.

You cannot think of any good qualities this relative may have.

You can only see what you can give.

Familiar?

There are so many more scenarios of this same outcome, but all end in the same way.  The child goes to a relative that you, in YOUR heart, deem to be less than what you can give.

In my case, it was another home that was willing to take four children who I deemed not yet ready to be re-united.  Was I right?  Was I wrong?  I don’t know.  I do know that child contacted me years later and I am still in contact.  Should I have raised her?  The jury is out on that one, because, if she had stayed I would not have the kids I do have.

But, I know of, have known, and do know, foster parents who wanted to adopt and gave up because their hearts were “broken”.”

If this relates to you, I have a word of wisdom for you.

If you truly want to be a parent, and adoptive parent, and want to foster to adopt, the road is rocky at least.

But IT IS WORTH IT!

I would like to encourage you to not give up.  I am blessed beyond measure, but it was not an easy, smooth road without obstacles, worries or doubts.  It was a rocky road.  A rocky road that lead to  blessing for all of us.

We came so close to not having our wonderful sixteen year old twins, but we believed beyond measure, and they stayed.  They brought their half twin sister and brother.  Unmeasurable joy, but not without the fight, the prayers, the belief, and the staying power.

I wish I had someone back then who could have helped me, understood, listened, encouraged, and led me to make better decisions for myself, and my family.

If this tugs at your heart, then I have another alternative.

Once upon a time we all went back in time, but, if you want to go forward, are ready to go forward, leave behind the stuff and are truly ready to explore your options about adopting from being a foster parent, or just leaping out to foster a child, then I have a great offer for you.

You see, I was you once.  But now, I am a double certified life coach, a foster mum of about fifty odd kids, and an adoptive mum of eight, including three sets of twin, with all eight being special needs.

I want to be your HELP in times of doubt, struggle and trouble.

If you need to talk, well you can for free.  I will give you as much time as you need to see if we are a fit, a match, and if I can help help you in your journey.

Just go here, click, sign up on your email and I will respond.  No questions, no commitments.  Just a free talk with someone who has been in your shoes, and has weathered the system.

I so look forward to helping you on this amazing journey, one I know is worth the rocks and hard places to get where you belong.  With your child.

When The Honeymoon is over……what next?

IMG_6718

This morning I needed a plumber.

This morning my plumber needed me.

Why?

My plumber had been together with his partner for nineteen years with no children.

Three months ago, he took home his niece and nephew with guardianship, because their drug addicted mother could no longer care for them.

One month ago, being compassionate, caring and trying to do the right thing, he tried to  “help” their mother.

All chaos broke out.

He does not understand why his efforts to be kind and caring are backfiring.

A few questions and he answered all his own questions.

You see, you cannot change anyone, including a 32 year old addict.

All of your best efforts to do so will fall on deaf ears.

Change can only come from within.

But, children, can be changed and guided by love, understanding, and building trust with them.

The change still comes from within them, but is guided by parents, guardians, foster parents, those that are sent to guide them, lead them, and love them.

Children are still forming their minds and patterns even in the midst of chaos.

They are looking for a hero, someone who will love them regardless.

They will push every boundary, and test you to the limit.

They may have seen too much, but, given the right guidance, counsel, and wise counsel, they will survive and overcome.

In my personal experience, I cannot change the addict, they can only change themselves, with professional help.

Again, in my personal experience, I can help the child to embrace a different life by providing the right counsel, opportunities, understanding and love.  Tough love at times, but love.

Love alone does not work.  Prayer, followed by hard work and dedication do have an effect.

Just as in marriages, honeymoons end, and, real life begins.  When the honeymoon ends, that’s when we see the real picture, and know just where to go, what to adjust, and if we do have the stamina and tolerance to ride this relationship to it’s fruition.

I could have left my marriage many times when things did not go my way.  I could have walked from relationships with my children when times got tough, and I could have walked from my relationship with my elderly mother when times got to be outrageous.

But, a relationship, has two sides.  Yours and theirs.  I choose to sculpt my side of any relationship in the form I want and need it to be.  It rubs off if it is done with the right attitude and the right heart.

So, in the case of my plumber, he wants to talk with me a whole lot more because his mind gained a new clarity after our “conversation” or impromptu coaching session.  He went from being the victim, to understanding the real victim, the child.

He went from feeling hurt, to understanding the hurt from the child.  He left not feeling hurt from words said from a thirteen year old child, but empowered knowing he can stand on the other side and help the child without getting his feelings hurt.

I leave you with this.  No child needs to be left behind if our thoughts are captured, looked at really hard, and understand that we will survive, but if we take offense from a child who has been abused and neglected, we are not helping anyone, including ourselves.
quantumlogo[1](1)300px_webAdotion Thing Logo Final-1

When You Never Give Up

IMG_6718

I never give up.

When I know deep inside that I am supposed to do something, I do it.

My child Friday is like that.

He has a long story that no child should have to ever endure.

But he did, and he never gave up.  Neither did I.

Short synopsis.  He was adopted from a Liberian orphanage at around eight years of age.

He was sent back by his adoptive parents to Liberia five years later.

Illegal by anyone’s standards.

Lots of red tape, custody papers, a flight to get him and he came back.  Became a part of our family.  He is third from the left, in the front row, in the photo above.

Tough few years getting him educated, helping him through his fear, anger, resentment, abandonment issues, rejection and trying to teach him to love.

Still fighting the rules and the systems, he did get graduated and got his drivers license.  He was free!

He has “lived” his life over the last couple of years experiencing failure, tough times, hard decisions and finding his place.

He has kept in touch, especially in the moments where, he was living in his car in California and needing to get home, when he just needed to know I was there, the occasional comment on social media, but I knew where he was, and most importantly, he knew where I was.

Then shocking news.  He was in a serious car accident, barely hanging on to life for several days.  A “miracle” he was alive.  I had to choke back tears when I saw him.  On a breathing machine, his left ear swollen from being stitched back to his head, the intubation, the distortion from swelling, the tubes everywhere including the top of his head to relieve the fluid.

But, he is a fighter, and he has a purpose in this world.  I knew from the moment I heard that I would start fighting in the spiritual world for his total recovery.

I experienced his fight in the spiritual, and I knew he would not give up.  I had a peace, a peace that passes all understanding that he would be not just ok, but totally himself.

Brain trauma is a scary thing, he has a road ahead, but not one he will not conquer.

He is one state away from me, so I drive every week to see him.  Tomorrow I drive and I get to see him awake, just three weeks after this terrible accident.

If you would like to know his story you can buy my book, “Finding Friday”  here.

You can find his song, “Run To”  on my cd “Broken Hearts And Broken Wings” here.  These are songs related to fostering and adoption.

Sign up for my emails and you can follow his amazing progress!

And, p.s.  Please like my FB page “Finding Friday” here and “The Adoption Thing” FB page here.

Adotion Thing Logo Final-1

quantumlogo[1](1)300px_web

When The Impossible Becomes Easy

amazing clouds 179

I really wish I had a rainbow in that picture above.

But a church and a steeple will do for now.

I’m gonna dive in deep early.  We all have a spirit, soul, mind and flesh.

Our flesh is weak.  Gives in to our desires, unless we are in mindfulness.

What is that?

Being present in your mind at all times.  Understanding weakness.

Our minds are weak, as well as our flesh.

Our soul, and our spirit are strong.  Connected.

Especially in trauma, or desperation.

I have two things going on right now with my children.

My adopted, and my long term foster/ rescued child.

My child from Africa in a coma?  Such a miracle.  Visited.

He knew me.  I stopped myself from crying.  Why?

He needed me to be strong.  I was.  But I will cry after writing this.

He grabbed my hand, he tried to speak to me, he will be healed.

NO DOUBTS!  More on that as we progress.

My “New” Thompsons’ as we call them, a search and find mission.

Epilepsy.  Crap, I was not aware there were so many types and manifestations of this disease.  I know the stuff in the daytime.

Freaking scary!  Dang!  I remember being afraid of asthma.

This has nothing on that.  But, dealt the hand, you learn to deal.

So I have two that do this during the day.  Nothing usual in their seizures, both children, different, and needing a constant watch to know if that “tick, blink, head throw,” was actually a grand mal seizure.  In fact, one just rolls her eyes back, and sinks to the floor seemingly unconscious.  SCARY!!!  Missed many of the tick, blink, head throws as being “ticks.”  So hard to know, even for a really expert pediatrician.

But now I have sleeping seizures.  Jesus take the wheel on this.  I know for sure in one, but on reading up on this suspect two.  That makes four out of four in two sets of twins from same biological Mom.

So, what do I feel about this?  What are my thoughts about this?  We already know the situation, epileptic seizures, but then how do I act on this information?  That’s pretty clear on all of those.  Dang, you get real.  You understand that your child,  is in a situation that needs medical, neurological help and you make the appointment.  I have.  Not putting my head in the sand here.  I am the General, you know, the one that makes the decisions, and takes the action.

So what is the outcome of these seizures that are sort of silent, in their sleep, like how do I know this is happening????

I will accept all advice, but, for me first is an old fashioned baby monitor.  Totally thank one  of my older kids friends, (another un- officially adopted Thompson.) Yup, I am gonna hear a disturbance.  Next is convincing my teenagers that I am not spying on their privacy, but concerned about their seizures.

I am learning on my journey and continue to search for answers.  I will blog and keep you all in the loop.  I am in reality, but also know that my faith + my desire have to be the same, and wow, it is above a ten for both.  When we wholly desire and wholly believe at the same level, anything is possible.  Another time, but I could tell you a list of miracles I have witnessed through being aligned totally with desire and faith.

You may be reading this and are struggling with an issue, a health issue, with your foster or adoptive children, or even your biological child, please contact me.  I am always open to a free, yup FREE, coaching session where I can help you find out YOUR feelings and thoughts about this.

I’m not a therapist guys, I’m a foster/adoptive parent who happens to be a life coach, double certified, ready and willing.  I help you find out what YOU think about this.

Until the next blog, which will be soon, so much happening.  I am going to keep you informed and up to date.

Hey, I am your people.  You found one on of your people.

WILL BLOOM

Adotion Thing Logo Final-1

300px_web quantumlogo[1](1)

 

When You Think You Can’t Handle Anymore

Le-Mont-Saint-Michel-World-Heritage-Site

So you get this child.

A twin…… so two children.

You know they are at risk……birth mom is an addict.

Oh, and then birth mom is epileptic.

Then another set of twins, same birth mom.

Different issues, but same, almost, DNA

All four diagnosed CP (Cerebral Palsy.)

All four in intensive therapies five days a week.

Two have “seizures” which look entirely different.

Nothing shows up.  Two go on without any “evidence”.

But, that’s not the truth.  The silent brain disease is there.

But there are “ticks” or so I am told.

No-one is thinking epilepsy.  No one.

So the years go by and all is ok, or so you think.  A few hiccups.

BUT, THEY, the medical profession, SAY IT’S OK

Fast forward, to teenage years.

One, goes down, two go down, and a third? Out of four.

Epilepsy.

So what now?

Tests, EEG’s, MRI’s, worry, panic?  No.  I will not do that.

You see, these younger four children, two sets of twins, who came from the same birth Mom, (Mum Aussie), are amazing, have conquered so much and blew all diagnosis’ out of the park.

Well on a trip recently to one of our favorite places to visit, a third had a grand mal seizure, while asleep, in the back of our vehicle, which is an airport shuttle.

One, I haven’t had any of them have a seizure while asleep, and two she wasn’t on the list to be epileptic, and three, where and what is causing this?

All of my years of handling seizures went out of the window.  I thought something else, something much more serious.  A cat scan ruled that out, and an EEG confirmed multi epilepsy.

Well, I could be freaked out, but I am glad I know my enemy.  I am thanking God it was not a tumor or something worse.  It is a different form from her twin, and different from her younger sister, but the same genetics.

The fourth?  Yup.  He has an EEG scheduled because he has developed intermittent “tics” which look like his younger sister who has multi focal epilepsy, that means in all parts of her brain, but does not have what we think is a seizure until all those parts fire off at the same time.

I will be relieved, pleased, estactic in fact, if it is only indeed a “tick.”  But, my gut says get it checked out.  I am not up for anymore surprises.  No more seizures in the back of our “bus” and no more traumas to child and family.

So, do I regret buying into this by fostering and adopting these four amazing children?  Never.  Not a moment.  Not a second.  Not a diagnosis, not a reality, not a fearful moment, nothing, no nothing, separates me from my children.

You see, while I did not know I could handle this, God did.  He knew he could trust me to put them first, even if I didn’t.  I’ve never trusted myself, but somehow, God did.  And, I am so glad He did.

If you have ever thought about this journey, as a foster/adoptive parent, you probably will not have the same issues, complicated, and needing issues that we did, because God will call you, and give you the children that are meant for you.

There are few that are called to the mission field, and even fewer that are called to do the mission.  This is a mission field, one that God asked us to in James 1.27.  You, and everyone are called to that mission field, but are you called to do, “DO” the mission.

Only you know.

If this has touched your heart, is calling on your heart and soul, please sign up on my email and contact me. I would love to help you on your journey to find which child, or children, belong in YOUR home.

Kate's Quotes I am not a perfect person

300px_webAdotion Thing Logo Final-1quantumlogo[1](1)

The Scary Part……Neurologist

6P1A0006

So tomorrow we see the Neurologist.

She has had a headache since the seizure last Saturday night.

She is on anti-seizure medicine, but what is causing this?

In hindsight, I have seen unusual behavior from her in the last six months.

I saw the same thing when she was coming out of the seizure.

The behavior is gone.

After taking anti-seizure medicine.

I thought it came from just “teenager” behavior.

She is almost 16.

She has never had a behavior or discipline issue.

She is sweet, respectful, determined, stubborn, but that is her.

If she wasn’t strong, she would not be alive.

So, how has the last few days been?

Watching like a psycho person.  Wondering if she will seize, knowing she won’t because of meds, but terrified of the next event that will make me and her helpless.

I am wondering now about the studies on seizures.  Is this epilepsy or something else?  She has a brain bleed from birth which has caused concern about learning disabilities, cognitive ability, and all sorts of other unpronounceable diagnosis’.

I am remembering about my eldest child who had strange episodes going through puberty that were diagnosed as temporal lobe epilepsy events and recognize some of the behaviors and symptoms.

I am digging, digging, digging because I am her only advocate.  Even if she was still a foster child, I would be her only advocate.   There is no-one else other than the mother involved, foster, adopted or biological.  No-one else is invested.  No-one else is going to dig, and dig and dig for the answer.

Although this is on some level stressful, on another it is not.  I am a seeker for truth, answers, and my mind and thoughts kick in knowing there is an outcome.  You see, I can think desperate, or I can think, “there is an answer and I will find it”.  I can think hopeless, or I can think, there is an answer.  I can think like this is a valley or I can think like this is knowledge leading me to have power over this situation, and end up on the mountain top.

You can too.  I learned this through a few years of learning to be a Life Coach.  I have such a different perspective on all emotions and thought patterns.

That doesn’t mean I don’t fall apart in the moment, it means I have an insight into my thoughts and how they lead to my feelings.

My thoughts when this event happened were panic driven.  Not rational, not tapping into my knowledge of this disease, just feeling driven thoughts, emotional driven thoughts, not thoughts I could evaluate and consider if they were the right ones.

I was in emotional mind, not wise mind.

This happens, but should not stay there.  You should always come into a wise mind, one that enables you to think clearly, rationally, and know precisely how your thoughts are going to lead to your outcome.

So, if this a new concept, something you don’t understand, please email me, I would so love to help you understand.

Keep connecting for the update, which will come in as soon as tomorrow or the next few days.

quantumlogo[1](1)300px_webAdotion Thing Logo Final-1