Tag Archives: Relationships

The Joys and Miracles in the Journey of Fostering and Adoption

Are you a foster parent?
Or maybe you have adopted?
We were foster parents and we have adopted.
Most of the time it’s very rewarding.
Just like having biologicals sometimes teens are challenging.
But yesterday the Ancestry DNA came back for our youngest four teens.
Two sets of twins, same biological mother.
And the joy was unbelievable.
Not only did we find that their paternal roots were exactly as I thought, but they found a new sister.
That led to a very long night of getting to know another wonderful mom who adopted their sister.
The face-time is set and the reunion with three adoptive families is set.
This is the joy beyond what you already have been given.
The extended family that has been found once again by the grace of God.
If you think you would like to foster a child or adopt, there are so many children waiting for their forever homes.
So many lost children in a world that has been unkind to them.
I love to encourage and help those families called to this amazing mission of fostering and adoption.  If you would like to know more please go here.
If you have adopted and would like to chat go here.
I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 
They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 
I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

The parenting and the struggle when nature shows up stronger than nurture!

I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 

They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 

I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

 

Do you struggle with the behavior of an adopted or foster child?

I have struggled many times with different foster and adopted children.

It isn’t easy.

Often you find yourself feeling like you have let yourself down as well as your child.

You can also experience a wide range of emotions.

Anger and self-doubt are just a couple.

Fear can be another one if you are dealing with serious issues.

As well,  anxiety can wreak havoc on the best of parents.

But, even though my journey through fostering and adoption has been rocky at the time, I have never regretted it.

I am now in the teen years with six of my children.

The eldest set of twins, now 22, are still at home as well.

Each of them has had their moments when they needed a lot of attention and therapy.

Having eight, with three sets of twins has had its challenges.

I have sat on the floor and cried.

I have wondered what was the best solution.

I have had difficulties in school, with IEP’s and non-understanding children.

I have had Children’s services called when a difficult child was trying to run away.

There’s not much I have seen or experienced.

I would not have handled this well if not for my faith and the lessons well learned in becoming a triple certified life coach.

You see, Life Coaching taught me mindfulness.

Learning to control how I thought about a lot of these behaviors etc.

I learned how to see the other side of the picture, and observe the behavior, instead of acting unwisely sometimes.

I can help you with your struggle.

You can feel a lot better about parenting difficult behaviors.

I can show you how because I’ve done it!

If you would like to talk to me click here.

Talk soon!!  Don’t stay in the struggle, there is help!

“It’s better to help a child than fix an adult”  Dave Thomas

 


How do you really get the desires of your heart?

 

 

Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child abandoned, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and another child  being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

If you would like a complimentary coaching session about this contact me here.

 


Are You Enough? Is Your Child Enough?

 

Are you enough for you?

Do you question yourself when you are fostering a difficult child?

Do you wonder sometimes about your child you adopted?  If you had  known how this would turn from sweet baby to difficult child?

I have.

I still do, about twice, or three times for four or more a month.

But, then again I did the same thing with my biological children.

When you foster or adopt this sweet little innocent baby, or toddler, you cannot imagine they will grow up into teenagers, or pre-teens that begin to manifest some of the behaviors they learned or inherited.

Your biological children have inherited behaviors.  They have personality traits passed down, physical features and talents and abilities.

So do your foster or adopted children.

It IS nurture and nature.  In both situations.  Biological and fostered or adopted.

When you think “nature” is being difficult what are your thoughts about that?

Do you think you are not enough to cope with the difficulties arising?

Or do you think your child in not enough?

Your thoughts of “not enough” are wrong in both counts.

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

YOUR CHILD IS ENOUGH!

It’s our beliefs about ourselves that are tainted with thoughts passed down from previous generations.  Same with our kids.  We pass some of our thoughts to them.  Some work, some don’t.

Same with our foster or adopted kids.

Wrong behaviors are generational.  They are inherited, but, they can be changed.  By you, and in doing that, in your children.  Biological or other.

It is how you think about your child and yourself as to whether you think you are enough.

I can tell you, YOU ARE ENOUGH, YOUR CHILD IS ENOUGH!

If you struggle with being enough go here.

Autism.

 

Autism.

Sucks.

But does it?

I have two autistic children in my life.

One of my “New Thompsons'” and a grandchild.

My adopted child is now 19 plus and still struggles.

My grand child is just beginning, but has so many similarities.

Do you realize there is no educational system past elementary to address this issue in school, at least in Georgia?

Autism_does_not_go_away!  Just because we reached middle school!

Do you know the public school system does not address dyslexia as well?

Well I guess you don’t read for the rest of your life.

I have five dyslexic children.  My grand baby I suspect has this as well.

I was lucky enough to find an amazing Private Christian School that addressed dyslexia.

That was after I paid $1600 a month for my autistic dyslexic child to learn how to read.  The public system did not want, or even recognize, the issues my child had.

Shocking reality.  She passed kindergarten in public school, but she could not tell an “A” from a “B” nor a “7 ” from a “9”.  Ridiculous.

Was she smart?  Intelligent?  Oh My!!!

We call her the BPS, not the GPS because she could tell us directions to anywhere she had been once.  Genius.  She will never get lost directionally.

I think this is  ignorance about these issues as is our ignorance about the children who come into care every day.

There is much media about all sorts of stuff, but not about the children who need our help, our support and homes in some cases.

So, my grand baby will have a fierce advocate in his Grammy.  I will not ever let this go.

When will we stand for what is right?

I will.  Will you join me?

 

 

 

 

 

What do YOU want to know about Fostering, or Adoption?

Somehow, over the last day or so, I was reminded of what I needed as a new, or even seasoned, foster parent.

I guess it was the training at my church.

Brought back so many memories but so many questions as well.

I knew nothing back then.

I just had a big desire in my heart to help a child in need.

My desire overcame my fear.

I’m sure you relate.

It’s pretty scary to take that first step.

But, when that desire to be a foster, or a foster to adopt parent is in your heart, your desire dial is about a ten.

Being truthful, my fear was so nearly greater than my desire to help a child.

I deliberated, or contemplated adopting, never fostering, for some six or seven years.

Fear dial vs desire dial.

Ok dial?

Like fear 1-10.  Desire 1-10.

Your desire will  overcome your fear if you let it.

So many let fear rule.

I nearly did.  In fact right up to the day I fostered my first two kids, I let fear rule.

Why did I change my mind?

Well, it came down to what was in my heart..

I wanted to help “lost” children.

Those nobody even knew about, let alone cared about.

I thought I was in this for the ethnic kids who had trouble being placed or adopted.

God changed my mind.

It’s not about ethnicity, it’s about the child, or in my case children.

I was so caught up in no-one wanted the ethnic kids, I could have missed the children God ordained for me.

Funny thing?  I have kids of all ethenticities.

I just didn’t focus on that.

I focused on the need.

I ended up with three sets of twins.

Well, that was a need not able to be fulfilled by many.

If you continue to have fear over so many issues regarding fostering, or foster to adopt, your fear dial  is overwhelming your desire dial.

Your fear is dialing on a scale of 1-10 more than your desire is dialing on a scale of 1-10.

Where do you want to be?

Fear comes from the unknown.

I can help you with that.

Do you need to talk to someone who has been here done that?

Well, I can help you with that,

Go here, if you would like to talk.

Catch you next time!

 

 

A Seizure in the middle of nowhere?

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So, I have a couple of kids who have epileptic seizures.

Scary, but I know who, maybe when, never where.

I have a birth mom to four who is epileptic.

Needs meds to this day.

I have two out of four that I know are epileptic.

I know they have an older sibling who is also.

So, driving down the road, when I hear ” she’s having a seizure”

I expect it to be the known two, not the unknown.

My miracle child who has beaten all odds, like not walking, not talking, not learning, a brain bleed, a leg brace supposed to be forever, is having her first seizure in the back of our airport shuttle in the middle of nowhere and I don’t know why?

I am shocked!

I have forgotten everything I know about seizures because she doesn’t do this!!

I am in full on A type personality mode of “you will come out of this” and now!!

I am not patient!  I am not thinking!  I am in panic mode!

I forget the positioning.  I forget that this is temporary, she will come out.

I forget to soothe.  I forget everything, because I am panicked.

I forget, because the overwhelming love and need to be her everything is not what she needs right now.

I forget because she hasn’t done this before.  She is sixteen.  Although she has a history, she hasn’t presented these symptoms.

I forget because I want to.  I hope and believe all the past issues have gone before me and I don’t have to deal anymore.  But, because of this, I do, and I will.

That same “A” type personality will find out why, what, when and where this could happen.  I will find out what meds are needed, and I will be there when and where every time.

I am reminded of when she was so little, so needing, so unable to even let me know what she wanted, and that is what a seizure is like. In the midst, they don’t know, they can’t tell, can’t express anything that is happening or what they are feeling.

We have more happening here than a seizure or epilepsy history, we have diagnosed Cerebral Palsy, and a brain bleed.  I don’t for one minute think we will not overcome this because knowledge is power and we sure have than on our side.

So, I am encouraging you to see the light through the darkness when all seems like it is crashing to something unexpected

I know my fighter, daughter, teenager is an overcomer.  She has proved this already, she will prove this again.  I have no doubts.

It’s me that struggles through these valleys only to see God on the mountain top, calling me, and telling me I can climb to any heights he calls me to.

If you are struggling, know, that all things are possible through God who strengthens me.

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When The Honeymoon is over……what next?

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This morning I needed a plumber.

This morning my plumber needed me.

Why?

My plumber had been together with his partner for nineteen years with no children.

Three months ago, he took home his niece and nephew with guardianship, because their drug addicted mother could no longer care for them.

One month ago, being compassionate, caring and trying to do the right thing, he tried to  “help” their mother.

All chaos broke out.

He does not understand why his efforts to be kind and caring are backfiring.

A few questions and he answered all his own questions.

You see, you cannot change anyone, including a 32 year old addict.

All of your best efforts to do so will fall on deaf ears.

Change can only come from within.

But, children, can be changed and guided by love, understanding, and building trust with them.

The change still comes from within them, but is guided by parents, guardians, foster parents, those that are sent to guide them, lead them, and love them.

Children are still forming their minds and patterns even in the midst of chaos.

They are looking for a hero, someone who will love them regardless.

They will push every boundary, and test you to the limit.

They may have seen too much, but, given the right guidance, counsel, and wise counsel, they will survive and overcome.

In my personal experience, I cannot change the addict, they can only change themselves, with professional help.

Again, in my personal experience, I can help the child to embrace a different life by providing the right counsel, opportunities, understanding and love.  Tough love at times, but love.

Love alone does not work.  Prayer, followed by hard work and dedication do have an effect.

Just as in marriages, honeymoons end, and, real life begins.  When the honeymoon ends, that’s when we see the real picture, and know just where to go, what to adjust, and if we do have the stamina and tolerance to ride this relationship to it’s fruition.

I could have left my marriage many times when things did not go my way.  I could have walked from relationships with my children when times got tough, and I could have walked from my relationship with my elderly mother when times got to be outrageous.

But, a relationship, has two sides.  Yours and theirs.  I choose to sculpt my side of any relationship in the form I want and need it to be.  It rubs off if it is done with the right attitude and the right heart.

So, in the case of my plumber, he wants to talk with me a whole lot more because his mind gained a new clarity after our “conversation” or impromptu coaching session.  He went from being the victim, to understanding the real victim, the child.

He went from feeling hurt, to understanding the hurt from the child.  He left not feeling hurt from words said from a thirteen year old child, but empowered knowing he can stand on the other side and help the child without getting his feelings hurt.

I leave you with this.  No child needs to be left behind if our thoughts are captured, looked at really hard, and understand that we will survive, but if we take offense from a child who has been abused and neglected, we are not helping anyone, including ourselves.
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So You Want To Foster To Adopt

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You are frustrated. You want to adopt a child, here, not overseas.

The system is difficult, long suffering, and impossible.

You decide to foster to adopt.

You expect your first child is going to be the one that stays, he/she doesn’t.

Then the second, the third, the group of three, none stay.  You are disillusioned.

You want to give up.

Why?

Maybe those children were not meant to be yours long term?

Maybe God just meant them to be there for you to nurture in the transition back to family who could parent?

What if you were their Angel unaware in their time of need?

What if you were the person who gave them their first hug, their first bedtime story, their first regular schedule, their first smile.

Does that change the way you are feeling?

Think about it.  Because God has the right child, or children in the right time.  Sometimes we just give up before the moment of miracles.

Our heart breaks with longing for the child we want to hold.  Their heart is breaking with longing for the mother or father they want to love them.

It’s sort of a catch 22.  We long for a baby, or child, they long for a family, and yet we are stuck in our own thoughts, and not allowing for the child’s.  What if you did that?  Stood in the child’s shoes?

Think of the fear they feel.  Think of the confusion; the rejection, thinking their parents have left.  Think of the lack of affection, the toys, bedtimes stories, hugs, home cooked food, pajamas, a bed of their own, all of these they do not have.

If you can give this for a week, a month, and in my case once, a year, then you have done your part of this amazing journey.  You have changed a child’s life.  You are truly a foster to adopt parent.

Your forever child will come.  At the right time, in the right circumstance, the right age (whether you asked for this or not) and the right sex.  Boy or girl doesn’t matter you know.  You get what you get when you birth them biologically.

I have two children specifically in my mind that I thought I wanted to be my forever children, but it was not to be.  In hindsight, I was right. The system was right in one case;  I painfully chose another family for the other,  but, it worked out.

Big news.  I am still in contact with them to this day because I did the job of the Foster Parent.  I so wanted them to be mine forever, but, that was not the plan, the ultimate Almighty plan.  I am blessed because I went with the plan.

Oh, and did I tell you this?  I ended up with eight adopted children, including three sets of twins.  Those that God meant to stay did, and to those children that I was meant to be their Angel unaware, I was.  To fifty or so of them.

Don’t look at the prize guys, look at the journey, and the joy on the way.  The prize is not your forever kids, it is the love, comfort and joy you give to those that are put upon your path in the journey of the Foster to Adopt parent.  Your forever kids are more than the prize, they are the virtual love of God given to you, for being able to give of your heart to “the lost children” who needed you, needed you in every hour.  Those children become “Invisible.”  They feel that way, until you pick them up, in your arms, love them, nurture them, read to them, and sometimes give them back to family who love them too.

If you want a free mini session (life coaching) go here.

If you want to list to a song that will minister about this go here.

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Help! Turn Up The Volume!

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I was out on my usual hike with amazing hubby this morning.

I could hear a voice calling out in the distance.

It seemed to be calling for help, but I wasn’t quite sure.

We stopped for a minute and listened carefully.

Yup, sounded something like “help!”

Some hikers passed us at that point, and I turned and asked them, “Can you year that?  Does it sound like someone calling for help?”

They looked at us and replied, “Yes, it sounds like that.”

Then they turned back to their conversation and walked on!

We were shocked to say the least, at how casual someone could ignore what really sounded like a cry for help.

Well, our hike took a slightly different turn and we followed the voice until we came upon a gentleman, who was not needing help, but trying to find his dog!  His dog’s name sure sounded like “help.”

We took a different path back, still wondering why no-one else on the trail went to find out if he needed assistance.  It stuck with me.

Different thoughts rolled around in my mind, and came back to the realization that most people just don’t like to get involved.  In fact, they prefer to pretend they didn’t see, or hear that someone might need help.

My thoughts immediately took me back to all of the “lost” children out there.  Some in group homes, some in orphanages, some around the corner, and some across the world.  All with a very small voice that is trying to be heard.  “I want a family;  I want a mom and dad.”

The statistics are shocking.  There are so many children, our next and future generations that do not have any home, let alone a stable, loving family.

So, maybe it’s time to shake it up.  Grow awareness.  If you relate, know about this issue and are involved, I would love to hear your thoughts.

So I don’t only think, but I know I need to “Turn Up The Volume!”  

Be heard!

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