Tag Archives: Speaking

Has your adopted child started to ask hard questions?

Has your adopted child grown into a teenager and has started asking questions?

All of mine did.  All eight of them.

Each one, including all three sets of twins.

They all had their own perspectives and reasons for asking about birth families.

I have been blessed with three children from one birth family (singleton and a set of twins,) two sets of twins from another birth family, and one singleton from a different birth family.

Six came literally from the hospital, one set of twins came at twenty months of age.

Each outcome reaching out to three different birth families was different.

We really hoped they all would work out, but that, I guess, was not a reality for all of them.  All the outcomes were their choice.

But, do any of us regret reaching out?  No.

It put a lot into perspective for each of them individually.

We have recently done DNA for them with a well-known company.

The results were amazing!

My youngest four, two sets of twins, found a sister they never knew they had!  We visited and they are becoming acquainted with their younger sister.  They are lucky to have found all of their siblings.

My singleton found her birth family!  We had searched for her birth mother for years.  She is an adult now and is finding new relationships with her Nana, sisters, brothers and birth mom.

Time is the true teller of whether any or all of the relationships work, but I can tell you it does not take away from your relationship with your child.

They feel a sense of peace knowing where they came from and, for us, it did not change our relationships with our children.

If you are concerned about the questions your child is asking and would love to talk just click here, I would be happy to have a “coffee chat” on the phone with you.

One last note.  When your child begins to fly they always come back to the nest.

 

 

 

 

The Joys and Miracles in the Journey of Fostering and Adoption

Are you a foster parent?
Or maybe you have adopted?
We were foster parents and we have adopted.
Most of the time it’s very rewarding.
Just like having biologicals sometimes teens are challenging.
But yesterday the Ancestry DNA came back for our youngest four teens.
Two sets of twins, same biological mother.
And the joy was unbelievable.
Not only did we find that their paternal roots were exactly as I thought, but they found a new sister.
That led to a very long night of getting to know another wonderful mom who adopted their sister.
The face-time is set and the reunion with three adoptive families is set.
This is the joy beyond what you already have been given.
The extended family that has been found once again by the grace of God.
If you think you would like to foster a child or adopt, there are so many children waiting for their forever homes.
So many lost children in a world that has been unkind to them.
I love to encourage and help those families called to this amazing mission of fostering and adoption.  If you would like to know more please go here.
If you have adopted and would like to chat go here.
I am a life coach for foster and adoptive moms who are having a challenge with their child. 
They are struggling with behaviors, learning difficulties and doubt their ability to parent a needy child. 
I help them get them get back in charge of how to be the best parent for their child’s needs and regain confidence in themselves, and their abilities to be a foster and/or adoptive mom.

 

 

How do you really get the desires of your heart?

 

 

Ok, am diving in deep fast.

I totally believe in God and all that goes with it.

I have faith, sometimes smaller than a mustard seed.

I have trust, trust that God loves me, and lives inside of me.

Spirit.  Totally know about that.  Feel it, know it, love it.

Soul.  Understand that as well.  (will explain if you don’t)

But where is my belief that miracles happen?

Where is my faith that my desires will come true?

Where do they all connect and what impact does that have?

Ok, I’m gonna explain something here that sort of doesn’t get explained.  We all have desires of the heart.  Ok, another word for dreams, dreams we have in our earthly world that we really hope will come true.

We all believe to some extent.  What is that extent?  All in, half in, maybe in?  What are we believing in?  Great question.

God says he will grant the desires of our heart, but those desires have been planted by him.  So, being a foster adoptive parent, the desire to do this has been planted by God.

Faith.  The faith to do this.  Smaller than even you can see, feel or believe, but there is faith and God honors faith.  Unless you don’t take action.  You see faith is nothing without action.

Example.  Our child abandoned, not the child we asked for, or even saw fitting in our family, but one God asked us to rescue and embrace.  Only thing we had here to cling onto was faith.  Faith that God would provide answers, protection for our kids, and provision for Isaiah.  Well He, God, did all of that, but not without our action.

Belief.  The biggie guys.  It is so hard to believe in what seems impossible, but I can testify about healed hearts, healed speech, healed legs to walk and another child  being healed from certain death.

So, the three things that we need are desire to do, faith to believe, and Belief to really believe.  But the fourth, is the necessity.  Take action on all of these. Faith, Belief,  and Desire.

How do we get it?  Ok, we are taught faith, and we are taught to believe, but what is the desire factor and how does it impact us?

Simple.  We can talk all sorts of things in our heads, we can even believe we are meant to do something, but, whether it is adoption, or fostering, or a personal issue, like weight,  you need your desire to be the same level as your belief and your faith.  Then, nothing is impossible, unless you choose to never take action.

Yup, I know this is radical, but it is true.  Your mind is the bearer of all bad thoughts, your heart tries to overcome and intervene, and your faith is struggling between the two.

Faith + belief + desire + action, the recipe for overcoming all odds.  So how do you find it?  I  found it.  It took a lot of time and years, but, I found it.

I learned to believe above all odds, have faith in that, and combine my desire for any situation with both belief and faith.  And then?  Take Action!!!!!  Magic combination.

If you need to know more please contact me.  I will always be there to answer your questions.

I am a foster/adoptive parent of special needs children, and rescued overseas children in danger.  I believe, have faith, have desire and I always take action.

If you would like a complimentary coaching session about this contact me here.

 


Autism.

 

Autism.

Sucks.

But does it?

I have two autistic children in my life.

One of my “New Thompsons'” and a grandchild.

My adopted child is now 19 plus and still struggles.

My grand child is just beginning, but has so many similarities.

Do you realize there is no educational system past elementary to address this issue in school, at least in Georgia?

Autism_does_not_go_away!  Just because we reached middle school!

Do you know the public school system does not address dyslexia as well?

Well I guess you don’t read for the rest of your life.

I have five dyslexic children.  My grand baby I suspect has this as well.

I was lucky enough to find an amazing Private Christian School that addressed dyslexia.

That was after I paid $1600 a month for my autistic dyslexic child to learn how to read.  The public system did not want, or even recognize, the issues my child had.

Shocking reality.  She passed kindergarten in public school, but she could not tell an “A” from a “B” nor a “7 ” from a “9”.  Ridiculous.

Was she smart?  Intelligent?  Oh My!!!

We call her the BPS, not the GPS because she could tell us directions to anywhere she had been once.  Genius.  She will never get lost directionally.

I think this is  ignorance about these issues as is our ignorance about the children who come into care every day.

There is much media about all sorts of stuff, but not about the children who need our help, our support and homes in some cases.

So, my grand baby will have a fierce advocate in his Grammy.  I will not ever let this go.

When will we stand for what is right?

I will.  Will you join me?

 

 

 

 

 

The Endless Seizure Disorder

I reposted about Epileptic seizures, cause now I have four kids, four different seizure disorders.  WOW!

We have Multi Focal, the most scary, Generalized, Tonic and Absence seizures.

And yet?  Life goes on.

Life is not filled with doubt, worry, or anxiety about someone having a seizure, as I know some other parents, and, epileptics are.

Epilepsy does not rule our household in any way, shape or form.

I could say that Autism tries to rule, but we believe we are the parents, even though sometimes, I want to go sit and cry in a corner.

When I became a foster parent, I did not want to foster anyone with anything like this, but, just as your own biological kids, sometimes they come with hidden stuff that shows up later.

Epilepsy showed up with my first biological when she was about twelve or thirteen hitting puberty.  Looking back it may have been what they now call “The Alice In Wonderland Syndrome.”

Alice in Wonderland syndrome is a disorienting neuropsychological condition that affects perception. People experience size distortion such as micropsia, macropsia, pelopsia, or teleopsia. Size distortion may occur of other sensory modalities.”

That is the technical description but what my eldest daughter experienced, was distortion in my size and closeness to her, along with how loud I was speaking.  She would go from thinking I was a giant to a dwarf in these episodes, and always thought I was yelling, when, as frightened as I was, that certainly was not the case.  She seemed to outgrow it, but at forty-four says when she is tired sometimes she has a mild version of this.  Now SHE WAS SCARY!

So, after having my younger sets of twins (related by birth mom) for seventeen and fifteen years, the diagnosis of each twin helped diagnose the others.

The grand mals’ were not as we are led to believe.  Each child has different Grand Mal seizures.

The last diagnosis of absence seizures was only found because of my then sixteen year old having an “out of the blue” seizure described in my former post.

I researched, well googled, cause google knows everything, about having seizures while sleeping.   Suddenly my child who could not stop bedwetting became obvious, which led to me demanding an EEG which proved he was having absence seizures.

All this to say, you are never alone and there is always help.

I am always here to talk, help in anyway.

Your child may not have epilepsy, but, dang I can tell you that is the least of what I have overcome with fostering and adopting children.

More of that to come.

Do you have something that you are seeing or “feeling in your gut” about your foster child?

Go here.

If you would like to read my first book about how we became foster/adoptive parents go here

 

 

A Seizure in the middle of nowhere?

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So, I have a couple of kids who have epileptic seizures.

Scary, but I know who, maybe when, never where.

I have a birth mom to four who is epileptic.

Needs meds to this day.

I have two out of four that I know are epileptic.

I know they have an older sibling who is also.

So, driving down the road, when I hear ” she’s having a seizure”

I expect it to be the known two, not the unknown.

My miracle child who has beaten all odds, like not walking, not talking, not learning, a brain bleed, a leg brace supposed to be forever, is having her first seizure in the back of our airport shuttle in the middle of nowhere and I don’t know why?

I am shocked!

I have forgotten everything I know about seizures because she doesn’t do this!!

I am in full on A type personality mode of “you will come out of this” and now!!

I am not patient!  I am not thinking!  I am in panic mode!

I forget the positioning.  I forget that this is temporary, she will come out.

I forget to soothe.  I forget everything, because I am panicked.

I forget, because the overwhelming love and need to be her everything is not what she needs right now.

I forget because she hasn’t done this before.  She is sixteen.  Although she has a history, she hasn’t presented these symptoms.

I forget because I want to.  I hope and believe all the past issues have gone before me and I don’t have to deal anymore.  But, because of this, I do, and I will.

That same “A” type personality will find out why, what, when and where this could happen.  I will find out what meds are needed, and I will be there when and where every time.

I am reminded of when she was so little, so needing, so unable to even let me know what she wanted, and that is what a seizure is like. In the midst, they don’t know, they can’t tell, can’t express anything that is happening or what they are feeling.

We have more happening here than a seizure or epilepsy history, we have diagnosed Cerebral Palsy, and a brain bleed.  I don’t for one minute think we will not overcome this because knowledge is power and we sure have than on our side.

So, I am encouraging you to see the light through the darkness when all seems like it is crashing to something unexpected

I know my fighter, daughter, teenager is an overcomer.  She has proved this already, she will prove this again.  I have no doubts.

It’s me that struggles through these valleys only to see God on the mountain top, calling me, and telling me I can climb to any heights he calls me to.

If you are struggling, know, that all things are possible through God who strengthens me.

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Parenting vs Cyberspace

 

 

 

 

This week we have been on Fall break.

Four kids home from school, one at college, two working, one sleeping.

Eight at home is hard.

Two is easy,  four a bit harder.

Anything over that?

You need your radar to be very accurate.

We live in a culture that would like to think we don’t have responsibility for kids after they turn eighteen.

That is exactly how it is in the foster system.

That is how we are programmed in this country.

Why?

Because all kids go to college at eighteen don’t they?

I hate to disillusion  you but that is just not quite correct.

Not only in the foster child system, but in many families.

What happens to the learning disabled child who doesn’t get through the education requirements?

What happens to the kid with a mental disease that has trouble coping in those teenage years?

What happens to just a normal kid who doesn’t make the grade?

I have seen cyber space interfere with my kids in this generation.

Social media reigns.

Celebrity reality shows are influential and quite frankly not reality.

Snap Chat and Instagram need your parental watch at all time.

FaceBook?  Wow!  Dang!  Watch who is asking to friend your sweet teenager, girl or boy.

Get a grip.  Know their passwords.  Insist on their phones being checked randomly if they have them. Um…… yes I succumbed to the phone pressure, but am happy now to take that phone, tablet, whatever and hide it.

We hear all of this on the news programs and think it will not be my child.  Wrong!

How do I know?

It happened to my child.  My sweet slightly disabled child who thought all of these “friend requests” were innocent and pure.

Not.

I am lucky because I am vigilant.  More than my kids want me to be.  But guess what?

Suck it up kids!  I’m the parent here no matter what age you are living in my house.

If you live in my house, you live by my rules.

Trust me, it works.

This is an age of entitlement and our kids are being taught this through social media, and social contacts at school.

Disney isn’t Disney anymore.  At least not on Television.

Watch what your children watch.  Listen to what your children listen to.

You decide.  You are the parent after all.

If you struggle with this and would like to talk about it go here.  My gift to you.

I am not only a foster parent to about fifty children, I have adopted eight.  I also am actively involved with a foster parent agency in my church.

What do you struggle with?  Want to talk?  Just click here.

Keep parenting, keep fostering, keep adopting.

 

When Fear Overcomes Your Desire To Foster/Adopt

This photo is of me on my front porch.

I’ve been on that front porch with more than one therapist.

Someone who is helping me and my child.

You see, there is help.  Help in all situations when you foster/adopt.

But there is also fear.

Fear that there will be no help, nobody to support you.

Fear that overcomes you to the point that the desire you have to foster/adopt is overcome by it.

I have heard so many stories where foster parents give up.

Why?  Their heart is broken or their expectation is not met.

Yet, there are still children out there needing foster parents.

Their hearts are already broken, sometimes even shattered.

Our hearts mend.  We are adults.  We can overcome.

But, can they?  Overcome?  Live without a parent?

There are 700,000 children that pass through the foster system in this country every year.

400,000 end up in a foster situation where there are not enough homes, or families to step up.

In any county on any day, at least in Georgia, there are 500 kids in foster care with only 100 foster families.

What happens to the others?

Go back in time, to when you were a kid.  What if you were put in foster care?

What would that have felt like?

Who would you have wanted to be there for you?

You see, I had four biological kids, all who had some sort of issue.

So, what if amazing hubby and I had died in an accident, who would have taken them?

That’s the thought that led me to be a foster/adoptive parent.

Do you have fears around the desire to be a foster/adoptive parent?

Do you want to overcome that and maybe have the most rewarding experience in your life?

Then go here.  I would love to talk to YOU!

My Amazing Family through birth, adoption, rescue, and foster.


The Joys and Challenges of The Foster/Adoptive Parent

Adopting eight kids is a joy!

Adopting eight kids is a challenge!

One set of twins is a joyful surprise!

Three sets of twins is a challenge!

But, do not get me wrong, all children bring joy!

All children bring challenges.

Adopted, fostered or biological.

My journey brought much joy and restoration to my life.

You see I lost an identical twin with my second pregnancy.

I was blessed with one of them, but was sad that I never conceived another set of twins.

I knew I was a twin mum.   So did God!  He sent three sets!

Often when there is an adoption through a private agency that turns out to be twins, it becomes a little unstable.

It is much harder to make the decision to adopt out two babies, over one, but, that is not always the case.

You see, my extended adopted family, was in exactly that position.

I did not know them at the time of the adoption, but, they were about to adopt twins from the same birth mother that two sets of my twins came from.  Whew, complicated.

What birth mum has three sets of twins!  Well, this one did.  Her first two sets came into foster care, where I became first their foster parent, and then their adoptive parent.  The second set are two and a half years younger than their older sisters, but, came to us because in the Foster system, they really do try to keep siblings together.

We were and are totally blessed.  Of course they are all now teenagers, and that, is another challenge, and story for another day.

The third set came along about eight years after my youngest.  By a miracle, and I do believe in miracles, we were connected with the new adoptive parents of these amazing little ones.  Birth mum had gone through an agency, and the parents were in an open adoption with her.

We all had this immediate extended family connection.  I will never forget our first adoptive mum to mom conversation.  It lasted for hours.  Today, we all keep in contact, have visited, and are overdue for a visit.  Hoping to correct that in the very near future.

Fostering is not for the feint of heart, but the joy is so rewarding.  And, if I had not fostered, I would not have my two singletons, and my three sets of twins.  All came through foster care, as infants.

All were new borns except my eldest boys who were twenty months old.

Don’t be afraid of fostering, your heart will mend, theirs will not; unless they find YOU, the home and mother they are meant to go to.

And last thing, do not put limits on God’s gifts to you.  You may want two children like I did, and He may call you to more.

Please accept my complimentary gift of a free coaching session here.

And please accept this gift of our Ten Layers Of Swiss Cheese orTen Tools For Foster/Adoptive Parents here.

You may have questions.  Please go here for my story in the book “Is Eight Enough.”

See you on the call!

My child I fostered from a broken adoption that put him on the streets of Liberia with no family, no home, no love and no comfort.  If you want to read his story go here.

ps.  He had the most horrific accident just about a year ago.

pps.  He fully recovered miraculously.

ppps.  God saved him twice from the jungle of Africa, He didn’t give up.  He saved him again.  Go here for his story.

My family!  Blessed!

 

When Your Life Is In A Trash Bag (And You Think You Are Just Plain Garbage)

I chose a drama piece for my theatre group the other day.

It was about foster kids.

Foster kids who didn’t stay in one place.

The ones that are troublesome.

The ones that think their life doesn’t count.

The ones looking for love from someone who sees through their disguise.

The ones that carry their life in a “trash bag.”

If you have enough its a black large one.

If you don’t its a white one meant for the kitchen size trash can.

I know this is real.  You see I fostered kids who came with a trash bag.

The saddest thing is one of my new drama kids, was that kid.

The one with the trash bag.

At three.

Her mom did drugs, and so did her dad.

She was a trash bag kid at three.

She thought she was garbage at three.

Cause, garbage comes in trash bags, not your life.

Your possessions.

Your jeans, your make up (to cover the bruises), your basketball, your hairbrush, your teddy bear (if you are lucky), your toothbrush, and maybe your deodorant.

Yup, not made up.  True.  To this day.  Sad….pathetic.

Not the kids.

The adults who tip them out with the same trash bag.

So why do the adults tip them out?

Because they cannot cope with the pain either.  Sometimes it is really hard to dig for coping skills in our own lives.

Sometimes they get thrown away like the part that no-one can deal with;  or can explain, can heal, can help, because the pain is deep, it wounds, and the wounds dig into the adults trying to help.

It exposes parts of the very people trying to help, to the point where it is so painful, they give up.  They send them away, with a trash bag, because, the pain is part of them.  It is something that brings up memories, or hurt, the very things that made them become foster parents in the first place.  The hidden things training did not address.

You see I have learned that as a foster parent you need to know why you want to do this very important duty.  What issues in your life, or what desires in your life,  caused you to want to help this foster child carrying the trash bag.  Your issues and desires need to come to the light and you need to understand them to be able to deal.

Well how do I know this?  Gosh I fostered over fifty kids, and yes, sad to say, there were some that brought up my issues.  I wish I had known then what I know now.  I needed to deal with rejection, sexual abuse, and controlling issues because I was a victim of these things, myself.

If you are a foster parent reading this, I urge you to dig deep into the reasons you want to do this amazing, rewarding, fulfilling  adventure.  If you do, and understand those issues in your own life that have lead you to this, then you will have total fulfillment and also be the best foster/adoptive parent you are capable of being.

I have a task.  It is to enlighten and educate with the experience I have as a long term foster/adoptive parent.  Even if that precious, hard to understand child comes with a trash bag, let’s not let them leave the same way.  Let’s help them see their life is valuable, worthy and that God loves them regardless.

I have a task.  To love on my new drama student.  A trash bag kid at the age of three.  To make sure she never has to feel like she is garbage.

If you know of any foster kids in your area, donate a back pack, please!  Lets use trash bags for the purpose they were designed for.

If you would like to talk to me I offer a free coaching session to help you on your journey in this difficult, but rewarding call.

Click here to contact!